This episode takes us to sunny San Francisco, where we face our fears, ski in bikinis, and get sloppy seconds. Ben is so excited to spend time with the girls in his "hometown" (how many hometowns do you have, Ben?) and the girls do not disappoint when it comes to drama...except for they kind of do after all the previews ABC teased us with prior to this episode. I mean, how many of us thought that Ashley was going to be the Mystery Girl who reappeared for another chance? Boo, hiss.
The first date is one-on-one with Emily. The cute PhD candidate gets schooled when it comes to her fears as she and Ben climb the Bay Bridge together. Speaking from experience, having just climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge myself, this stuff is scary. Especially when it's not a well-traveled tourist destination and you find yourself scaling up a steel beam that collapsed in the late 80s during the big quake. Emily freaks out a bit (her biggest fear is heights), but all is solved when Ben fixes it with a kiss. As if we didn't think that was coming. Later, the two lovers share a dinner on a pier along the Embarcadero, and I think they actually have some chemistry. She shares a rather horrifying story of an online dating set-up with her brother, but all in all, the two hit it off. Emily actually seems normal. Don't quote me on this, but that's what it seemed like. Ben gives Emily the rose and they kiss under fireworks. You know, like every couple does at the end of their first date.
The next date is the group cluster-date, during which they get to realize something on their "leap list" which is something I've never heard of until this episode (brought to you by Honda) made it up. All the girls get to realize their lifelong dreams of skiing down a San Francisco street filled with fake ice/snow on a warm fall day in their bikinis in front of random passersby and Asian townies. I mean, who doesn't have this item on their mythical leap list? It was priceless seeing the girls fall and successfully pull off full-on spread eagle crotch shots for everyone in town? Simply amazing, if I do say so myself. Kacie B. gets the gold for the date by essentially going ass first down the hill until she crashes at the end. Later, the girls go to a bar, they all claw at a chance to make out with Ben and...wait...back to the hotel where the next date card is being delivered to the remaining girls.
Surprise! The next one-on-one goes to Brittney (remember the girl who showed up with her grandma?). Or does it? Brittney seems less than enthused by the idea of a date with Ben, and she tells the girls she's "torn and confused" about the prospect of being with Ben. Thus, she decides to leave the show and interrupt Ben on the group date to share the news of her departure. You know Grandma's pissed!
Back at the group date, Brittney does just that. She tells Ben she's voluntarily leaving, and he's a bit taken aback. But then he makes out with three more chicks and eventually gives the rose to Rachel. Clearly make outs solve everything. I learned that in the 8th grade.
So who gets Brittney's sloppy seconds? Lindzi! Ben and Lindzi share a cute date of trolley rides, ice cream, impromptu concerts at City Hall during which they're serenaded by Matt Nathanson, followed by double-secret cocktails at Bourbon and Branch where she tells Ben how she was once dumped via text message ("Welcome to Dumpsville: population you"). [Remind me to call her ex-boyfriend to get more one-liners. He should monetize these things!] It seemed fun and cute and Ben agrees by giving Lindzi a rose and telling the camera that "she has potential" like he's on House Hunters and debating putting down payment down or something. Um, Ben? Lindzi isn't some trashy townhome in Tampa, she's a woman who wants to maybe be your wife. Let's refer to her as more than "potential."
But then, the drama we've all been waiting for arrives in a slinky red dress to get her man. I thought it was Ashley, maybe Michelle Money, but I did not predict random-ass Shawntel, the funeral director from last season who laid Brad out on an embalming table only to get kicked off. But yes, that's who showed up looking for her chance at love with Ben. She walks in, the girls freak, and she interrupts Ben's time with Elyse to make her case. She sounds a bit crazy when she tells Ben about how she thought there was potential with Ben by watching his season. She also mentions how Ben and she had talked a few times. I this case, I'm pretty sure "talked" means "boned," but whatever. Shawntel asks to be able to attend the rose ceremony, and is here for the opportunity to earn a rose. Ben, a bit dumbfounded, calls the cocktail party quits a bit early. All the girls inevitably freak, and it's amazing. Courtney is mean to the other girls, stirs up some stuff with her oddly-immobile upper lip, and everyone is on edge.
At the rose ceremony, the drama unfolds a bit more. Courtney is not staying if Shawntel gets a rose, Jaclyn is crying, and there is a cat-like nip to the air.
Roses go to:
1) Emily
2) Rachel
3) Lindzi
4) Courtney (Who stays, duh. She has a career to further here!)
5) Kacie B
6) Elyse
7) Jamie
8) Jennifer
9) Casey
10) Blakeley
11) Monica
12) Nicki
13) Samantha
14) We're left with Jaclyn, Erika (who has fainted by this point...literally fainted), and Shawntel. Who does Ben choose? NO ONE! He sends them all home. So we're left with lucky 13.
Byeeeee: Brittney, Erika, Jaclyn, Shanwtel
Awards:
1) Most busted: Jaclyn
2) Best fake faint: Erika
3) Worst upper lip: Courtney
4) Most disgusting tattoo ever: Erika's tattoo INSIDE HER MOUTH. Gross.
Until next week,
Mike
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