So it's getting near the end and we have some major decisions to make. Which one of the J's is going home? Will she bone all three in the Fantasy Suite? Whose wenis is the biggest? All of these imperative questions beg to be answered on this episode, so I should get to this mess now!
ABC continues to impress us with the travel budget during our current oil-driven recession by flying all the lovers to the Bahamas for the fantasy dates. The first fantasy lover, Jeremy, meets DeAnna on the beach and impresses her with his dullness. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's hot as hell, but boy ain't got nothing to say! The lovers ride the waves and have forced awkward conversations. It's really amazing and quite silent. I'm pretty much sure the boning in the Fanatasy Suite was the highlight of the day. I mean, that and Jeremy's hot bod.
Next, cute Jason meets DeAnna on the beach and the cuteness begins straight away. They smile, they laugh, they have easy conversation. It's amazing. They both can't stop smiling during the entire date. The lovers kayak through the water and make out along the way. Easy-breezy all day long. It's a marked difference from her date with Jeremy. I think she is finally realizing the he's a keeper, and this is coming from me, the one who predicted his mess was headed back to Seattle tonight. It took this date for DeAnna to realize that she could fall in love with someone other than Graham.
The last date found Jesse and DeAnna riding horses on the beach. I wouldn't so much recommend a woman ride a horse in a bikini top, but our DeAnna is an independent woman and girl does what she wants. Jesse has clearly established himself as the guy who does everything "right," and she loves it. At dinner, DeAnna impresses us all with a trainwreck of an outfit with a headwrap and a striped top. Yikes! He loses her at dinner with his talk of his plans for a career and children because we all know she just wants to know how he's gonna bring home the bacon in ways other than shredding the slopes. She offers him the Fanatasy Suite invite and he pulls a pump fake by saying he can't join her until he meets her dad. Just kidding! They totally bone.
DeAnna continues to impress us with her fashion choices at the rose ceremony. She wears a bright blue dress with a fabulous early 90's bow on the hip. It was truly a gem. And I barfed.
And then DeAnna chose Jesse and Jason and sent Jeremy home! I mean, I wasn't surprised but was stunned all at once. He is totally shocked and DeAnna cries expectedly. His goodbye ride is quite dramatic, and he even stops the car during the ride to get out to contemplate his bleak future. Amazingly directed, ABC! This good-on-paper guy just didn't impress our hard-hitting DeAnna, and we're proud of her for following her heart and not her Virginia.
And then we were treated to an extra hour of fun for this season's Douches Tell All episode! What did we learn? Jeremy has gained 10 pounds in his heartbreak, and is still in love with DeAnna. Speaking of DeAnna, girlfriend has gained 10 pounds herself. Oh, and she's engaged!!
Until next week,
Mike
Monday, June 30, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Most Dramatic Goodbye Ever. Like For Real.
Okay okay okay, I’m a big fat mess and I missed the first hour of the show last night. Why, you ask? I’m famous. Don’t make me remind you again. My cousin is also famous; thus, we tore up the town last prior to viewing the tail end of The Bachelorette. I would normally understand if you were upset that I missed half an episode, but clearly the last hour was where it was at last night—especially with the dismissal of…well…keep reading.
The two hometown dates that I missed were those with Jeremy and Jesse. Apparently they were fine. Jesse is a friend, Jeremy is in love with her, DeAnna doesn’t really care.
So the first hometown date I caught was in Seattle with Jason and son. Jason, freshly orange from 82 spray tans, spends the day with his son and DeAnna feeding ducks. Then they go to his family’s home and share a meal. Dad awkwardly calls her “honey” and “sweetheart” while I cringe. Was he hitting on her? Is this why Jason got divorced in the first place? After lunch, the family goes outside and plays leap frog. I’m sorry, what? Seriously? Apparently they were serious. What follows was an all-too-dramatic goodbye. Everyone cried, his son pretended he was sad, and tears were flowing everywhere. I couldn’t take it.
Next DeAnna travels to Raleigh to meet the love of her life, Graham. Graham, seemingly growing in his ability to be normal and open, is very cute with DeAnna as he meets her at his high school gymnasium to play a little game of b-ball. She is so obsessed with him, it’s insane. Clearly she would prefer nothing more than to strip him of all his clothes and go at it on the gym floor, but I’m thinking that wouldn’t be very sanitary. After a fun afternoon in high school, the lovebirds go to Graham’s parent’s house. His mom and dad are super cute, and everything finally seems hunky-dory. Graham is the one. It’s set.
And then DeAnna talks to Graham’s mom. She pretty much reinforces all DeAnna’s reservations about Graham.
Is he ready to commit? Eh…
Will he break my heart? Eh…
Has he ever had a relationship? Eh…
After time with the parents, DeAnna and Graham sit outside and Graham is back to his old self. Quiet, reserved, holding back. I love when something is on a typical dude’s mind, he immediately says everything is fine. Must. Not. Show. Emotion. This is clearly an amazing conversational tactic, and it certainly makes women fall in love with you. Amazing.
So back in LA, the rose ceremony begins. Will she ditch Jeremy because he’s more in love with her than DeAnna is with him? Will be dump Jesse because he’s just a friend (and because he’s wearing a white suit)? Will Jason be the one to go because of the kid? Only time will tell.
And then, she chooses:
1) Jesse
2) Jeremy
3) Jason
EXCUSE ME?!? SHE DUMPS THE LOVE OF HER LIFE?
Yes. Granted, his red sweater combo wasn’t too cute, but still. She reverts to the protectionist DeAnna we all know, and lets the boy that will inevitably break her heart go before he has the chance. I’m dying.
And then she walks Graham out. He struts in his too-cool-for-school way that only a jackass can pull off, but he’s visibly upset. DeAnna is too. I mean, she’s literally dumping the only guy she loves, and you know she’s second-guessing that mess. My opinion? She did this to prove a point to him, but it’s going to backfire in a major way (i.e. he’s leaving in the limo, you idiot!).
After a few heated words, DeAnna ultimately confesses to his face that she’s “letting go the one person I was falling in love with.”
Cut to two possibilities for the end of the season:
**Prediction #1: She doesn’t get engaged to anyone, and we have another failure of a season.
**Prediction #2: Graham somehow comes back and they end up together.
Cut back to the Graham goodbye.
He can’t take it, he looks away, he tears up. Too little too late, buddy. Graham then hands her a note full of thoughts he never told her. He hopes she’ll read it one day. Again…too little, too late. But how dramatic?!? I’m loving/hating this all at the same time. This was the worst goodbye ever. The only two people in love with each other just broke up, and I’m a little sad.
But then I googled “Graham Bunn” and found his website that was clearly created as a fame-boosting stunt as soon as the show began in May, and I’m over it. Grahambunn.com. You can buy clothing and see his attempts at being a model (he was in a Moen faucet print ad). Hilarious.
I’m over it. And I’m going to start dating him immediately.
Until next week,
Mike
The two hometown dates that I missed were those with Jeremy and Jesse. Apparently they were fine. Jesse is a friend, Jeremy is in love with her, DeAnna doesn’t really care.
So the first hometown date I caught was in Seattle with Jason and son. Jason, freshly orange from 82 spray tans, spends the day with his son and DeAnna feeding ducks. Then they go to his family’s home and share a meal. Dad awkwardly calls her “honey” and “sweetheart” while I cringe. Was he hitting on her? Is this why Jason got divorced in the first place? After lunch, the family goes outside and plays leap frog. I’m sorry, what? Seriously? Apparently they were serious. What follows was an all-too-dramatic goodbye. Everyone cried, his son pretended he was sad, and tears were flowing everywhere. I couldn’t take it.
Next DeAnna travels to Raleigh to meet the love of her life, Graham. Graham, seemingly growing in his ability to be normal and open, is very cute with DeAnna as he meets her at his high school gymnasium to play a little game of b-ball. She is so obsessed with him, it’s insane. Clearly she would prefer nothing more than to strip him of all his clothes and go at it on the gym floor, but I’m thinking that wouldn’t be very sanitary. After a fun afternoon in high school, the lovebirds go to Graham’s parent’s house. His mom and dad are super cute, and everything finally seems hunky-dory. Graham is the one. It’s set.
And then DeAnna talks to Graham’s mom. She pretty much reinforces all DeAnna’s reservations about Graham.
Is he ready to commit? Eh…
Will he break my heart? Eh…
Has he ever had a relationship? Eh…
After time with the parents, DeAnna and Graham sit outside and Graham is back to his old self. Quiet, reserved, holding back. I love when something is on a typical dude’s mind, he immediately says everything is fine. Must. Not. Show. Emotion. This is clearly an amazing conversational tactic, and it certainly makes women fall in love with you. Amazing.
So back in LA, the rose ceremony begins. Will she ditch Jeremy because he’s more in love with her than DeAnna is with him? Will be dump Jesse because he’s just a friend (and because he’s wearing a white suit)? Will Jason be the one to go because of the kid? Only time will tell.
And then, she chooses:
1) Jesse
2) Jeremy
3) Jason
EXCUSE ME?!? SHE DUMPS THE LOVE OF HER LIFE?
Yes. Granted, his red sweater combo wasn’t too cute, but still. She reverts to the protectionist DeAnna we all know, and lets the boy that will inevitably break her heart go before he has the chance. I’m dying.
And then she walks Graham out. He struts in his too-cool-for-school way that only a jackass can pull off, but he’s visibly upset. DeAnna is too. I mean, she’s literally dumping the only guy she loves, and you know she’s second-guessing that mess. My opinion? She did this to prove a point to him, but it’s going to backfire in a major way (i.e. he’s leaving in the limo, you idiot!).
After a few heated words, DeAnna ultimately confesses to his face that she’s “letting go the one person I was falling in love with.”
Cut to two possibilities for the end of the season:
**Prediction #1: She doesn’t get engaged to anyone, and we have another failure of a season.
**Prediction #2: Graham somehow comes back and they end up together.
Cut back to the Graham goodbye.
He can’t take it, he looks away, he tears up. Too little too late, buddy. Graham then hands her a note full of thoughts he never told her. He hopes she’ll read it one day. Again…too little, too late. But how dramatic?!? I’m loving/hating this all at the same time. This was the worst goodbye ever. The only two people in love with each other just broke up, and I’m a little sad.
But then I googled “Graham Bunn” and found his website that was clearly created as a fame-boosting stunt as soon as the show began in May, and I’m over it. Grahambunn.com. You can buy clothing and see his attempts at being a model (he was in a Moen faucet print ad). Hilarious.
I’m over it. And I’m going to start dating him immediately.
Until next week,
Mike
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Welcome to the Ab Show
This week's episode finally gave us some much-needed ab time. Lots of hot bods and shirtless scenes were exactly what I needed to heat up my already-steamy apartment (it was 97 in NY yesterday). This episode has three dates: a one-on-one, a two-on-one, and a group date.
In order to win the one-on-one, the boys must write and perform an original song for DeAnna, which, clearly, is embarrassing for all. Ultimately, Jesse wins.
On his one-on-one date, DeAnna surprises him with a private serenade in an empty theatre. Jesse wears formal attire, and looks pretty damn good. Natasha Beddingfield soon joins the happy couple as she sings to them while they dance. He's totally into her, she's semi-into him.
The group date finds Brian, Twilley, Sean, Graham, Jason and Jeremy together at the race track where they race for DeAnna's heart by racing stock cars. I love how this is the guy's version of the fashion show on the bachelor. The boys aim for the top speed so they can spend some quality time with DeAnna. Sean, the former mulleted red neck wins. He sucks. Graham then gets some time with DeAnna. Okay, first things first. DeAnna wants this guy. Badly. The sexual tension is practically visible. DeAnna literally asks for a kiss from Graham. And he DENIES her by saying, "I don't want to be one of the bunch." Girlfriend is pissed, and the chemistry basically ends there. She calls him out since he's not putting himself out there, and she's totally right. Graham has proven that he is the "do" choice in my favorite game, "Do, Dump or Marry." You spend a wild night with the man, but you don't spend your life with him. Child ain't ready for commitment. Oh, but that body!
Next, the boys at the bunkhouse throw a BBQ for DeAnna and the boys at the Mansion. It all goes South very quickly. The boys are ignoring DeAnna because it's awkward when they're all vying for her affection. Robert slinks away to the house, Graham is aloof, and Brian wears a shirt that says "Home Wrecker." Really? Was that the best choice? Not sure...
Anyway, DeAnna calls the boys out on their juvenile behavior, and leaves in tears. Amazing. The only redeeming factor of this special time is that the boys are shirtless.
The last date finds Robert and Fred on a two-on-one with DeAnna in the Hollywood Hills. She looks amazing in her white jeans and gold sweater, and the boys try to impress her with their romantic prowess. Robert sucks. He proposes a kiss to DeAnna and she gives him her cheek ("the dodge" as she called it). Amazing. But, oddly, he thinks they have this amazing connection? Um...not so much. I mean, if by "connection," you mean you're in the same room, then fine. Fred proves that he's a great guy, and she's totally going to choose him. But NO!! She sends them both home! So sad, but so real. First, she sends Robert away and we're over it. He's also drunk and fake crying. She was honest in saying she didn't have a connection with Fred, and she cries as he drives away.
At the rose ceremony, DeAnna chooses:
1) Jesse
2) Sean
3) Jason
4) Jeremy
5) Twilley
6) Graham
Bye-bye: Robert, Fred, Brian.
Awards:
1) The "everyguy": Fred. Good guy, we love him. Just lose the accent.
2) Cutest: Jason.
3) Surprise of the night: Twilley staying and Brian going home.
4) Rockin' Hot Bod: Graham. Just stop shaving your chest and we'll have a deal.
Until next week,
Mike
In order to win the one-on-one, the boys must write and perform an original song for DeAnna, which, clearly, is embarrassing for all. Ultimately, Jesse wins.
On his one-on-one date, DeAnna surprises him with a private serenade in an empty theatre. Jesse wears formal attire, and looks pretty damn good. Natasha Beddingfield soon joins the happy couple as she sings to them while they dance. He's totally into her, she's semi-into him.
The group date finds Brian, Twilley, Sean, Graham, Jason and Jeremy together at the race track where they race for DeAnna's heart by racing stock cars. I love how this is the guy's version of the fashion show on the bachelor. The boys aim for the top speed so they can spend some quality time with DeAnna. Sean, the former mulleted red neck wins. He sucks. Graham then gets some time with DeAnna. Okay, first things first. DeAnna wants this guy. Badly. The sexual tension is practically visible. DeAnna literally asks for a kiss from Graham. And he DENIES her by saying, "I don't want to be one of the bunch." Girlfriend is pissed, and the chemistry basically ends there. She calls him out since he's not putting himself out there, and she's totally right. Graham has proven that he is the "do" choice in my favorite game, "Do, Dump or Marry." You spend a wild night with the man, but you don't spend your life with him. Child ain't ready for commitment. Oh, but that body!
Next, the boys at the bunkhouse throw a BBQ for DeAnna and the boys at the Mansion. It all goes South very quickly. The boys are ignoring DeAnna because it's awkward when they're all vying for her affection. Robert slinks away to the house, Graham is aloof, and Brian wears a shirt that says "Home Wrecker." Really? Was that the best choice? Not sure...
Anyway, DeAnna calls the boys out on their juvenile behavior, and leaves in tears. Amazing. The only redeeming factor of this special time is that the boys are shirtless.
The last date finds Robert and Fred on a two-on-one with DeAnna in the Hollywood Hills. She looks amazing in her white jeans and gold sweater, and the boys try to impress her with their romantic prowess. Robert sucks. He proposes a kiss to DeAnna and she gives him her cheek ("the dodge" as she called it). Amazing. But, oddly, he thinks they have this amazing connection? Um...not so much. I mean, if by "connection," you mean you're in the same room, then fine. Fred proves that he's a great guy, and she's totally going to choose him. But NO!! She sends them both home! So sad, but so real. First, she sends Robert away and we're over it. He's also drunk and fake crying. She was honest in saying she didn't have a connection with Fred, and she cries as he drives away.
At the rose ceremony, DeAnna chooses:
1) Jesse
2) Sean
3) Jason
4) Jeremy
5) Twilley
6) Graham
Bye-bye: Robert, Fred, Brian.
Awards:
1) The "everyguy": Fred. Good guy, we love him. Just lose the accent.
2) Cutest: Jason.
3) Surprise of the night: Twilley staying and Brian going home.
4) Rockin' Hot Bod: Graham. Just stop shaving your chest and we'll have a deal.
Until next week,
Mike
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
I'm so famous
Sometimes being famous has its drawbacks. Missing ¾ of last night’s Bachelorette is one of them. You see, I was entertaining clients over pinot and filets last night, and the evening just got away from me. I arrived home in a wine-induced haze to see the last 30 minutes of the episode. So let me tell you about some highlights…
DeAnna and Jeremy have a strong connection and she likes him.
Her connection to Graham, however, is stronger, even though he’s bad news bears. Their kiss was hot. She wants him naked in her bed immediately. So do I, but whatever.
DeAnna is fine with Jason’s son, and they apparently had a good date after last week’s mess. She even named a star after the little boy, Ty. Scratch that, ABC named a star after him, and DeAnna pretended it was her idea.
She sent Richard home after their one-on-one. Sucks to be him.
The remaining nine suitors are:
1) Robert
2) Jason
3) Fred – What did he do to get a rose so early? Can she really stomach that accent?
4) Twilley – Clearly remaining as the “entertainment” for the season.
5) Jesse
6) Jeremy
7) Brian
8) Graham
9) Sean – Really? She chose him in light of his heinous taste in fashion?
Bye-bye: Richard, Ron, Paul.
Until next week,
Mike
DeAnna and Jeremy have a strong connection and she likes him.
Her connection to Graham, however, is stronger, even though he’s bad news bears. Their kiss was hot. She wants him naked in her bed immediately. So do I, but whatever.
DeAnna is fine with Jason’s son, and they apparently had a good date after last week’s mess. She even named a star after the little boy, Ty. Scratch that, ABC named a star after him, and DeAnna pretended it was her idea.
She sent Richard home after their one-on-one. Sucks to be him.
The remaining nine suitors are:
1) Robert
2) Jason
3) Fred – What did he do to get a rose so early? Can she really stomach that accent?
4) Twilley – Clearly remaining as the “entertainment” for the season.
5) Jesse
6) Jeremy
7) Brian
8) Graham
9) Sean – Really? She chose him in light of his heinous taste in fashion?
Bye-bye: Richard, Ron, Paul.
Until next week,
Mike
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