I love it when you talk, but I wish you'd let me finish.

It's week 3 in Charlotte and things are really heating up. And let me tell you, things get HOT in Charlotte.  (Sarcasm noted.)

The first date this week goes to Chris, the "good looking" guy from Chicago. Chris is the lucky guy to get the first physical challenge date, and this season it's scaling a wall in front of North Carolinian stalkers. At the top, the two lovebirds share dinner, during which Emily realizes Chris is 25 and she internally freaks out. Being 26, she can't remotely fathom anyone that immature having the capability of caring for her and Ricki Bobby. But, after she bears her RIDICULOUSLY WHITE TEETH (veneers), Chris gets a rose and they dance the night away publicly to Luke Bryan and his "Boom Boom" song.

The group date is a fun one. All the boys accompany Emily to a park where they meet her soccer mom friends for interrogation and playtime with random kids. The men arrive in varying degrees of fashion mishaps, Stevie being the most egregious (naturally), thanks to the plaid, oversized cargo shorts and clown-sized tennis shoes with socks. We all loved the entire outfit. The soccer moms, who are there to vet the young men for Emily, include: two young moms, an Indian Tech Mom, and a cougar. Pretty par for the course. Wendy, the cougar, is most on point as she probes the men with tough questions and thinly-veiled flirtation. As expected, the undersexed wives get at least one guy to take his shirt off, and two men to do push-ups, one with Wendy sitting on his back. Natch. Later, Ryan, with creatively-trimmed facial hair, tells Emily that if she gets fat after they get married, "I would still love you, I just wouldn't love on you." Amazing. True love in the making, for sure!

After a day of questioning and playing with children, the soccer moms choose Sean and Doug as their favorites. Sean eventually gets the rose, but only after we hear 1) Doug's sob story of growing up with an epileptic father and foster parents; and 2) Tony's audible and visible tears about missing his son. The best part? His strategy of playing the overly-committed, emotional father backfires, and Emily sends him home to be with his son (who didn't sound like he missed his dad that much anyway).

The last date goes to Arie, and this is the one we've been waiting for. He's only on the show because he's a race car driver like her deceased baby daddy, so we all hope he has something to offer besides approachable cuteness. The lovers fly to Pigeon Forge, TN (this season is so glamorous, y'all!) to spend the day at Dollywood, the Dolly Parton-inspired amusement park. They are cute, but the cuteness gets majorly amped up when Dolly (camel toe and all) comes out on stage to sing them love songs with tots the size of volleyballs and hair that is clearly 100% natural. If I were there, I would have died, let's be honest. Ms. Dolly in the surgically-enhanced flesh?!? COME ON!! Emily, one for overt emotion, says "I could have died" while not moving her botoxed face. But, they dance regardless, and have a great time. Later, Dolly and Emily girl talk, and Dolly ends the night by singing them another song. Here you can see that Emily has fallen for Arie and we should probably call the season right now. The date ends with a top-three kiss in Bachelor/ette history. He gets a rose. We have our frontrunner, kids.

At the rose ceremony, Kalon is a jerk. As he complains to Emily about not having a date, and how he wanted his first kid to be his own, he says, upon Emily interjecting her thoughts about her child (literally), "I love it when you talk, but I wish you would let me finish." Mull that one over.

Then she sits down with Alessandro, the Oompa Loompa, who tells her that marrying her would be a compromise due to Ricki Bobby. Emily sends him home on the spot, apparently, but we can't be entirely sure because of poor editing by ABC. Low budget this season? Charlotte as the location AND botched scenes? Yikes.

After another sultry kiss between Arie and Emily, roses go to:

1) Chris
2) Sean
3) Arie
4) Jef
5) Charlie
6) Doug
7) Michael
8) Travis
9) Alejandro
10) Ryan
11) John
12) Kalon
13) Nate

Awards
1) Frontrunner: Arie
2) Fallen from grace, and will fall even further next week: Ryan
3) Best kiss. Like maybe ever: Arie and Emily's first kiss. Tingles all around.
4) Worst dressed: Stevie. Duh. Back to Jersey you go!
5) Quote: "I love it when you talk, but I wish you'd let me finish." Future Wife-beater of America, Kalon.

Until next week,
Mike