Kermit? Seriously?

We've reached a new low. This evening featured Kermit and Ms. Piggy. Is Charlotte really that awful a place that all there is to entertain the masses is The Muppets? Don't get me wrong, The Muppets are awesome. But really? I'm looking for poolside entertainment, abs, drunken mishaps...you name it; not puppets.

Which leads me to the bad news. I totally missed the first date with Ryan. Why? I'm in my old stomping grounds of New York and I had plans with my most famous friend. So there. And we ate and drank our faces off. So there again.

But I tuned in just in time for Kermie and Ms. Piggy and the flailing fools trying to save face while being on stage with puppets in a Charlotte community theatre. John, Kalon, Kyle, Charlie, Alessandro, Alejandro, Stevie, Chris, Tony and Jeff joined Emily on stage with puppets in order to raise money for some sort of cause while depleting their cool stock simultaneously. Charlie was frozen with fear due to his former brain injury which apparently affects his speech (who else thought that was a cry for help and attention?), and a few fools told bad jokes. The show ended with Big Boobs McGee singing a song with Kermit and her daughter, Ricki Bobby. Emily told Ricki that she sang nicely with Kermit, when we all really know she stood there like an idiot. In addition, are Emily's boobs not ridiculous this season?!?

Later, we have the inevitable confrontation between (name the guy, because they're all going to do it this season) and Kalon. This time, it was with Stevie, the goatee-wearing "entertainer" from Jersey. So...basically...any and every guy from Jersey.

In case you care, Jeff, the hair-donning Mormon got the rose on the date.

The next one-on-one was with Joe "I'll say whatever I think sounds good to win the hot chick with fake boobs on TV." They take a jet to the most glamorous place on Earth, West Virginia. Yes, you read that last sentence correctly. You're welcome. They visit The Greenbrier, a resort that apparently hasn't been remodeled since 1975, and they learn that they're not a match. Why? Because Joe says everything he thinks he should say on TV to the big-boobed girl across from him, and Emily isn't having it. Again...why? Because she lacks a personality. Also, she's too distracted by her HEINOUS PINK DRESS to pay any attention to anything. Yes...that dress should have been the first thing sent home tonight. But, alas, Joe is sent home with no rose instead.

At the rose ceremony, nothing happens except the confirmation that Emily has no personality and should have stayed with personality-free Brad while she had the chance.

Roses go to:
1) Ryan
2) Jeff
3) Kalon (duh, someone has to pull ratings)
4) Arie
5) Michael
6) Nate
7) Sean
8) Chris
9) Doug
10) Travis
11) Tony
12) John
13) Alessandro
14) Charlie
15) Alejandro
16) Stevie...seriously?!?

Byeeeee: Joe, Aaron and Kyle. Bummer. Aaron and Kyle were totally cute.

Awards:
1) Should have been sent home before Aaron and Kyle: that nasty pink dress.
2) Best fake everything: Kalon and Emily. Lips, chest, forehead, cheeks...you name it. They are tucked and taut! And they're only 26...
3) Best quote: "If you have Louis Vuitton luggage, and you're a dude, you're an a$$hole." - John

Until next week...when we see DOLLY!!!

Mike