To bone or not to bone?

Picture it. Antigua. Three men. One woman. Four people. Yet only three people in love. Small issue.

First date goes to Drew. It's so boring I literally can't handle it. I mean, he's sexy, so kind, smart, yadda yadda. She's also faking it with him. They explore the island, eat some pineapple, and plan to have a waterfront dinner on the beach. It's rained out, so they head to the Fantasy Suite earlier than planned. He tells her he loves her multiple times, she responds with smiles. She's secretly thinking, "How many more minutes until the next date." After Drew accepts the invitation to stay in the Fantasy Suite, they start kissing with a piece of chocolate cake between them on the bed. Totally normal. End scene.

Cut to a pensive Brooks, heading to Boise to chat with his family about the fact that he doesn't love Desiree  he's nervous about the Fantasy Date and that their relationship has had up and down moments. The idea of proposing makes him uncomfortable. (Sidenote, proposing to a woman on a TV show after three dates is COMPLETELY ABNORMAL, but whatever, why isn't he madly in love with her? Is something wrong with him - slash - totally right?) Mom and sister give him the advice to be honest with himself. Fast forward to him coming out of the closet  likely causing some drama later in the episode.

Back in Antigua, Chris meets Des, who is awkwardly dressed like a Caribbean Sacajawea Native American Barbie Princess. They hop in a helicopter to explore the island. They roll around on the beach and make out in the waves a la 1980s Chris Isaak music videos. Later, they share a romantic dinner where they chat about the future. Chris tells Desiree about life in Seattle and how he pictures sharing his life with her there, in a cute little house on the water. So apparently he has a cool two mil to drop on said cute house...so there's that. Des answers that she's open to moving there, and they kiss about it. Des offers up the Fantasy Suite card, and Chris obviously says yes. Because he has another poem to share with her, duh. They go swimming and totally make out more.

The next day is the dreaded Brooks + Desiree impending disaster. Brooks arrives to Antigua, and instead of first chatting with Desiree, he talks to Chris Harrison. Let's be honest, any touch base with Chris is not going to end well. Basically, like a typical guy, Brooks can't voice his words. But Chris coaches out of Brooks the feeling that Desiree is not the love of his life.

Meanwhile, Des gets ready for her romantic date on a boat with Brooks, the love of her life. Brooks arrives and Des is SO EXCITED. Brooks, on the other hand, is not feeling so hot. And he walks her to a dock where he breaks up with her. It's a slight disaster, and she totally melts down. And then he melts down, and there are tears everywhere. But then? Desiree tells Brooks she loves him. Cue more tears. And an amazing dramatic underscore. Frankly, I wish there were more subtitles during the crying scenes. Especially when Desiree tells him that she's never felt loved. Sad. So I poured more wine. But the worst part? When Brooks asked why she was conflicted about other relationships, and she told him it was because she was saving her heart for him and holding back from everyone else. Sadness. Then they part ways and both bawl their eyes out. If he was truly not in to her, would he be this emotional?

Worse than her heartbreak, is the fact that I'm going to be in London next week when the finale airs. #firstworldproblems

Prediction: she ends up with someone. Prediction two: said someone has to deal with incredibly awkward moments for the rest of his life.

Until next week (ish)...