The group date features 14 dudes, most of whom I cannot yet name. The title of the date is "Who is here for the right reasons?" Hidden agenda, much? They get transported to a winery where they realize they're going to be starring in a rap video entitled "Right Reasons." Totally normal for a bunch of white dudes. ABC reeled in a real "rapper" to coach the video: Soulja Boy. Apparently he's a rapper in real life. Sidenote: Juan Pablo is wearing the red Bonobos pants we gave him on the photo shoot I managed three years ago. Totally fine. Next, a bunch of scenes in the video begin filming, and the white boys prove just how very white they are. Rhythm? No. Rhyming ability? Not so much. Dance moves? None.
Later, they have (surprise!) cocktails at some mansion. Zak (shirtless Zak from episode #1) gives Desiree a vintage journal. She's totally touched. Ben and Desiree talk about his son...duh. Let's hope there's more to Ben than his child (even though he's cute). But wait...maybe there is because he totally goes in for a juicy kiss. Meanwhile, creepy Brandon is spying on them. And then he starts almost crying (?). After their time together, Mikey confronts Ben about his "political" nature. Ben deals with it diplomatically and it's over. Or is it?
Next, Brandon gets some time with her. First up? Her vomits his entire past on her. My dad left us, my mom was a drug addict, I raised my siblings, I was a truant and I didn't raise myself. I want kids. If I'm not scaring you right now, what is your problem? Oh wait...he didn't mean that last part.
At the end of it, Ben gets the rose. Eeek...apparently the nice dad is getting a bad reputation amongst these dudes.
The next date goes to Bryden. They take a California road trip. They play in the ocean, they eat fish tacos, they go to an orange grove where they eat brie (Bryden doesn't know what it is...WHAT?!), and they end up at the Ojai Inn, where ABC underscores their entrance with the Bachelor/ette finale music. Is this foreshadowing? They share an outdoor dinner under the stars. They're both kind of nervous and cute together. He's pretty cute and comfortable with her, and something about him is seemingly honest and normal. He tells her about his horrible accident and brings out some pictures (creepy?), but she seems genuinely touched. He wraps up his story about making the most out of life, like every after school special should. He just needs a new hairdo.
The date ends in a...GASP...hot tub scene. The first of the season? YES! The only thing missing is the kiss that Bryden is clearly putting off for FAR TOO LONG. The best part: "Just kiss me already," blurted out by Desiree. Okay, that was awesome. His response: "Just go for it?" And he does. Awww...she likes him.
Back at the house, it's rose ceremony time. Michael G. gets his time with her, and he starts to tell her about his diabetes...only to be interrupted by Ben, quickly becoming the villain of the season. Yikes. Within minutes, he gets another kiss. After his time, the dudes question him in a rather heated confrontation. Mikey, the plumber, is pissed. So is Michael. Frankly, I don't think he's a bad guy...but time will tell.
Roses go to:
- Brooks
- Ben
- Bryden
- James
- Kasey
- Dan
- Juan Pablo
- Brad
- Chris
- Brian
- Zak W.
- Drew
- Mikey
- Zack
- Michael
- Brandon
Byeeeee: Will, Robert, and Nick
Awards:
- Supercuts Special: Bryden. Dude needs a new 'do. You ain't in service anymore, my brother.
- Frontrunner: Bryden
- Villain: Ben?
- Looks like a muppet: Robert. Byeeee.
Until next week,
Mike
P.S. How excited are we for the first ambulance call of the season next week? And a supposed girlfriend calling out one of the bachelors? Amazing.
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