Worst brother ever

It's hometown date night, and Sean travels the continental U.S. meeting his future ex-families-in-law.

First, we go to Houston to meet AshLee's parents. AshLee and her Yorkie pup meet Sean in the sprawling suburbs where they share a staged outdoor dinner on AshLee's parents' indoor furniture. It's awesome. AshLee's parents, who adopted her as a grown child (is that a thing?), are lovely and loving and I literally cried when her dad shared his story of falling in love with her upon their first meeting. It was incredible and they are wonderful. Her dad's spikey hair? Not so wonderful. But they're wonderful parents. The only question is: does AshLee have that spark that just might be necessary to win Sean's heart? Or is she just pretty and perfect in the not-so-perfect sense?

Next, Sean heads to Seattle to meet Catherine's family. First they share a great day in the Pike Place Market. They have tons of fun together, and they're very cute as a couple. They catch fish, eat food, and stick their chewed gum on the gum wall. It's all very cute. Then they head to her family's semi-decaying home where her sisters--her incredibly protective and skeptical sisters-- pretty much overtly throw her under the bus by telling Sean that Catherine isn't always fun, she's dirty, and she moves on once guys aren't fully supportive of her every whim. You know...just like good future sisters-in-law should act around him. After dinner, Sean leaves feeling a bit different compared to his super fun date with Catherine earlier in the day. He also probably feels the need to wash his hands since their house was a mess.

Next up: Fort Leonard, Missouri. Here, Sean meets Lindsay and her family, which includes a two-star-general Army dad who apparently hangs his guns on the wall. Like we all do.  Sean and Lindsay are adorable during their pre-date, in which they eat cupcakes, and Lindsay puts Sean through an Army bootcamp. It's cute. What's also cute is her family. Her mom (who would totally be my bestie) is totes adorbs, and her scary Army dad is amazingly kind and smart. When Sean asks for his blessing to marry his daughter (like we all do after knowing our future fathers-in-law for six minutes), her father responds with an amazingly-orchestrated Army-inspired answer about having the authority to make the decision in the moment. In his own words, "you're not in the Army for 31 years to not be direct." Truth, sir. Truth. THANK YOU, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?

Lastly, Sean meets Desiree (ever the front runner) in LA for a hike on Runyon Canyon and an absolutely horrifying meeting with her nerdy parents and horrible turbo-brother. They prepare dinner for her family, who then arrive to ruin Desiree's chances at finding love to meet the lovebirds. First, Desiree's ex-boyfriend arrives to profess his love, prompting Sean to to get semi-aggro. [Flashback to Sean playing a joke on Desiree during their first date at the art gallery.] Duh...Desiree gets Sean back by playing a joke on him. Funny. Ha ha. But let's get the the juice. Her family is bizarre. Her parents, while totally endearing, are bizarrely nerdy and odd, and her tatted-up brother is positively weird. He's like a total broseph with authority issues who didn't graduate high school and instead decided to get tats, drink Four Loko, and protect his super hot sister not so much to protect her, but to bone her friends. In the end, he tells Sean that he thinks he's a "playboy" who isn't reciprocating the love Desiree has for him. In three minutes, he used three different versions of "reciprocate"--a word his dealer taught him earlier that day--and he scares Sean away for good. It was actually quite sad. Then, the most awkward conversation of the season awkwardly ends, and Sean and his future NOT brother-in-law go back to dinner. Desiree's poor parents try to cut the tension by talking about the weather...but no mention of LA's mythical "four seasons" will repair the damage Desiree's brother has done. Sad.

At the rose ceremony, Sean is a mess. Desiree interrupts Sean as he begins to hand out roses to apologize once again for her crazy brother...but it seems like it's too late. Sean tells Chris Harrison that he's definitely giving roses to AshLee and Lindsay, but he can't decide between Catherine and Des. Let's be honest...you want Desiree, but her brother is enough to make you pass. In the end, roses go to...

1. AshLee
2. Lindsay
3. Catherine

His goodbye with Desiree was actually super sad. Her brother will go down in infamy. If he can first learn what that word means. 

Awards:

1. Hometown winner: Lindsay
2. Cutest dad story: AshLee's dad's story of meeting his adopted daughter. Tear-inducing.
3. Final two: AshLee and Lindsay. 
4. Winner: Lindsay
5. Worst: Desiree's brother.
6. Possible reappearance? Desiree

Until next week,

Mike