The Bachelor Update: Twice in one week is Tierrable

This week we travel north to the mythical land of Canadia. We get to see Banff National Park, Lake Louise, et cetera. It's so pretty because, as you remember, Canada is a made up place so of course it's pretty and perfect. Eh?

Before I get into the recap, let's address the fact that we've been forced to watch four hours (4!!!!!) of this show in two days. Inappropriate. Tierrable, in fact. Two nights is too (two) much.

The first date goes to Catherine. I think she's a dark horse, so it's exciting that she finally gets some time with Sean. They take a snowbus--piloted by Sean--in a blizzard to go sledding and to partake in other wintry adventures. Is it just me, or it is disconcerting to ride on a glacier in a snowbus driven by a rookie? Sean is looking super cute, though, in his shawl collar sweater. (This is the episode where we become jealous of Sean's sweaters and winter wear.) Later, at dinner, Catherine tells us about how she saw a friend die at the age of 12 at summer camp, and she opens up a bit. Cute. She gets a rose.

Next up, the date card for the group date, which will predict the next one-on-one. Will it go to Daniella? No. Why? Because she has horrible roots.

The group date goes to Tierra, Sarah, AshLee, Lindsay, Selma, Lesley and Daniella. They canoe across Lake Louise and then get the great surprise of ~~a wonderful cozy hot tub party on the other end~~ taking the "polar bear plunge" into 33-degree water in their swimsuits. Nothing like hypothermia to spice up a hot date. Luckily, no one would ever get hypothermia because they're under water for 2.5 seconds. Oh wait, Tierra gets "hypothermia" and finds yet another emergency situation in which to elicit pity and attention from Sean. My favorite part was Sean pitching the girls on the polar bear plunge by saying it's "something so fun." By that I think he meant it's something that's going to, once again, force Tierra to further hone her acting skills to pretend she's on the brink of death. Naturally, everyone loves it except for Tierra (and Selma, but she's from the desert, so who cares?). Tierra's fall into near disaster was perfectly acted, down to the oxygen tube, obsessive shaking, and running mascara. She's totally brilliant. And horrible. Later, at the party, Tierra shows up even though she almost died two hours earlier. Sarah shows Sean pictures of her family, and expresses her desire for Sean to meet them. Lesley drops some killer truth on us (about Tierra) by saying Tierra is a professional at getting attention" and "We have a Tierrarist on our hands." Brills. Lesley gets the rose.

After the group date, Sean feels the need to dump Sarah in advance of the rose ceremony because he's not feeling it. I'll be honest, I felt bad. Poor girl. Someone will love you one day, I promise.

The last one-on-one goes to Desiree. Sean and Desiree rappel down a mountain in Banff. Sean, always one to wear his heart on his sleeve, 100% confesses his love(ish) by telling Des not to doubt his feelings. Later, Desiree shares stories of growing up in a tent and a trailer park, and I'm secretly fine with that. Nothing like a candominium to give a girl some humble roots. Sean is totally into her. She's definitely in the final two. Also, Sean (again!) wore a great sweater. Does Canada secretly have style?

At the rose ceremony, Selma sheds her conservative heritage and disappoints her entire family by kissing Sean on national TV. Lindsay confides that she sleeps naked. AshLee gives sean a blindfold to indicate her vulnerability (?). It's kind of hot because he then carries her away, blindfolded, and kisses her. Hot. Like his sweater collection.

Roses go to: