It's Hometown Week, and Ben is busy traversing the country in order to meet his soon-to-be-almost in-laws. He is also busy being the most boring and annoyingly affirmative dater ever. His incessant un-heartfelt responses to everything everybody says is exhausting and I find him mind-numbingly disingenuous. But at this rate, he's going to pick Courtney, so who really cares?
First, Ben heads to Ocala, FL to meet Ms. Lindzi and her horse friends. She's looking cute in her Western wear, and they have a great day together riding horses. Later, they meet her cute parents. Mom and Dad tell them about their ties to San Francisco in response to Lindzi and Ben telling them about their times in the City by the Bay. Her parents tell them about how they were married in City Hall (where Lindzi and Ben shared a private concert on their date), to which Lindzi responds, "Really?" Really, Lindzi? Really? Later, Ben and Mom spend some time together. Mom tells Ben how they kept Lindzi busy with horses, drill team and cheerleading when she was growing up--thus she has very little experience with dating. Awesome...thanks mom. Overall, this is a great hometown date and Ben and Lindzi share some very passionate kisses at the end. He totally loved the day and loved her family. Including her dad, whose name is Harry Cox. I have no comment on that matter.
Next, we fly up to Clarksville, TN to meet Kacie and her family who fit every stereotype you'd think of when thinking of Clarksville, TN. Her father used the term "prayerfully" for God's sake. Kacie meets Ben at the football field named after her grandfather. She surprises him by performing the baton with the high school marching band. The all-black high school marching band, that is. I have a feeling Ms. Kacie didn't go to that school. After the band dork moment, we head home to meet the family. Mom, Dad and mute sister share a lovely dinner with Ben and Kacie on set. As in, they all sat on one side of the table in order to be on camera. It was awesome. What else was awesome? The fact that Ben showed up with wine and they all drank sweet tea at dinner. Sweet tea. Mom and Dad each individually tell Ben and Kacie about how they wouldn't approve of them moving in together before marriage. Dad takes it a step further by asking Kacie to "prayerfully" make decisions about marriage and that he would say "no" if Ben asked for her hand in marriage. So that went well...
Next we head to Texas, y'all. Land of steers in the streets, cowboy hats, and cowboy boots. As a Texan, I can vouch for the fact that all we wear is cowboy attire, so they nailed that on the head by ensuring they covered every possibly Texan stereotype in 15 minutes. Ben and Nicki do it up in Fort Worth, before heading to her predictably Texan suburban home where they meet her cute family. The mom, dad and brother are all cute. Mom has spiky funky fun hair and the dad is emotional. It's cute. Later, Nicki tells Ben she loves him. Ben obviously responds with some ridiculous platitude like "wow" or "thanks." It's stupid. But, overall, Nicki just may be the dark horse. Ben ends the date by telling the camera that he's falling in love with her.
Finally, we head to Scottsdale to meet Courtney's family. I'm sure I wasn't the only one awaiting this meeting with baited breath, and, frankly, the family is pretty normal. Dad is dapper, sister is cute, and mom has a taut face with a shrunken head. But overall, they're nice. Mom is a bit skeptical, Dad seems like a lot of fun, and Courtney frankly seems like the odd duck. As in, she sucks. It's interesting that she's not mean during this date. Granted, she has no one to whom she can direct her evil. But don't worry, she's still weird. How, you ask? She stages an impromptu wedding at her favorite farm in town. I'm serious. They head to her favorite spot where she has secretly set up a wedding scene and she makes him write vows and recite them in front of an officiant and everything. It's so weird. Did anyone else notice that Courtney cheated by pasting pre-written vows in her notepad? I did. She's sneaky, that one. Next, she tells Ben she loves him. He's still hung up on boning her in the ocean in Puerto Rico. Later, they drive away in an "Almost Married" car. Barf.
Back in LA, Ben chooses:
1) Courtney
2) Lindzi
3) Nicki
Bye: Kacie. Sadly, after the hometown visit, we're not surprised. Total bummer, though. I actually felt bad for her.
Awards:
1) Love count. 2 for 4. Two chicks said they loved Ben.
2) Worst: Ben. Boring, blah, and destined for breakups.
3) Dark horse: Nicki
Until next week, in Switzerland!
Mike
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