Before the dates are determined, the boys have to write a poem to Ali to win this week's one-on-one date. There's a lot of bad, and one really good: Kirk. He was sweet, natural and corn-fed Midwestern cute. He brings it home and clearly gets the date.
Kirk and Ali share a fun date on the town. Sweater shops, coffee shops and lobster houses. It's cute, it's adorable, and so are their matching sweaters (notsomuch). On this date we learn that Kirk has never had a relationship over a year, he got super sick in college from toxins in his house, he was a really good runner, and he's just plain honest, natural and adorable. They make a cute couple and dude is inching in to frontrunner status. Ali is starting to heart him and gives him a rose.
The second date is the group mess. Ali and the boys meet in the frigid cold for a freezing horse ride in snowsuits. Let's be honest, the dudes look like Icelandic astronauts. If the country wasn't bankrupt and was able to fund a space program, the analogy would be believable...but whatever. It's kind of hilarious. Ty helps everyone out with the horses because he's country like that. Next they all rappel down into a cave. And next they share an evening at the Blue Lagoon, Iceland's lake with healing powers. Ali strips out of her astronaut suit and is magically wearing a bikini. Dudes pretty much strip down on the spot to join her in the water because of her healing powers. Guys get there one-on-one time during which Ali tells Frank to step it up because he's sitting in the back too much on group dates. After all is said and done, Ty swims away with the rose on this date.
The last date is the dreaded two-on-one date, or as I like to refer to it: Crazy, Crazier and Ali. Crazy (Justin) joins Crazier (Kasey freakshow tattoo loony bin) and Ali on a--you guessed it--helicopter date. This is the 82nd helicopter ride this season and we're like 4 episodes in. ABC, get a grip. Can't we fly a private jet or something? Or some Icelandic mountain roving vehicle? Or a whaling boat? I don't know...something unique. Anyway, the two frenemies accompany Ali on a volcano-watching adventure. Okay, we all know Justin has nothing to offer and he's completely working on his wrastler acting skills, so there's not much to report there. Except for the fact that Kasey is batsh*t crazy, and after Ali confesses that "The only thing Kasey has to do today is be normal" (which is the best quote EVER), Kasey shows her his special tat. And scene. Justin gets the rose and Kasey is left waving to the helicopter in a space suit. Awesome.
Meanwhile, back at the manse pre-rose ceremony, Craig shows Ali his fake tattoo and gets a good laugh, Chris bores Ali with his non-personality (I mean, we knew he was going home because child hasn't been on camera since episode #1, but good lord, give us SOMETHING!!), and Frank and Ali have a moment. Is Frank back? Not sure.
Then Chris Harrison gets all Dr. Love on our asses and tells Ali he thinks she's afraid of falling in love. Ali agrees that she's terrified of not being loved back. Touching and deep, people. Thank goodness ABC brings us back to reality every now and then.
So here's some reality for you. Roses went to...
1) Kirk
2) Ty
3) Justin
4) Frank
5) Chris L.
6) Roberto
7) Craig
Byeeeeee: Kasey and Chris N.
Awards:
1) Most yawn-inducing bore-fest: Chris N. Good lord, someone get me a Red Bull.
2) Best quote: "The only thing Kasey has to do today is be normal." - Ali. Um...not a chance.
3) Frontrunner: Kirk
4) Predicted top three: Kirk, Roberto, Chris L.
Until next week's drama that we all know involves Justin and a girlfriend,
Mike
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