Drama we all expected

So Mr. Perfect proves to us tonight that he doesn't play by the rules. He follows his heart, he lets a tear or two shed, and he kicks b*tches off left and right! Yowza...let's get to it.

Tonight, the girls hop on RVs and take a California road trip up the coast. We're already doen with the mansion in LA! Three dates tonight: a one-on-one, a group date, and a two-on-one. After a drive up the PCH, the RVs pull off at a lovely vineyard where the plaid-shirt wearing Jake Bunyan greets them with a hug.

The one-on-one goes to Gia, who appropriately wears a kimono and stilettos on their rustic date on the vineyard. Her NY (or is it Jersey?) accent comes out on the date, which is slightly appalling, but all in all, Gia isn't too bad. They share stories of nerdy pasts, play a little spin the bottle, and share dogs and s'mores by the campfire later on. They snuggle up and get closer throughout the date, and Gia reveals herself to be more than a pretty (swimsuit model pretty) face. She's cute and little "off" and Jake likes her. She gets a rose.

The second date is up the coast a little further, at Pismo Beach. Jessie, Ashleigh, Tenley, Ali, Vienna, and Corrie get dirty on the beach with dune buggies, sand surfing and a picnic. First off, everyone hates Vienna. Second, so do I. Third, the date is cute and fun and Jake likes seeing the girls let loose. Later, they head to an inn so they can clean up and have a nice dinner in a really ugly and gaudy pink dining room. Jake has alone time with all the girls, but not before Vienna declares that she'd like the last one-on-one so she can be the last girl to kiss him. Vomit. She probably just wanted extra time to spruce her mall bangs and apply some extra orange self tanner. Vienna finally gets her time with Jake and he broaches the subject of her being a raging coot. Actually, he just raises some red flags with her in a nice Jake-ish way, and she pretty much ignores them and wants to focus on herself. Jessie, conveniently manages to NOT get any air time once again, thereby sealing her fate. Also during the date, Jake ensures that Tenley is indeed over her ex-husband, and at the end of the date, he gives her the rose.

The last date is the dreaded two-on-one, in lovely Big Sur. What a nightmare. Not Big Sur--that part is great--but who would ever want to go on a date with an objection of affection and another ho? Not me, for one. Someone is always the third wheel. Or are they? At the outset, it appears as though Kathryn will be playing the supporting role of "Third Wheel." For starters, Jake and Ella drink red, and Kat drinks white. Totaly outsider. Then, Jake pays most of his attention to Ella during dinner, and takes her outside afterwords to chat. Kathryn is left cold and alone with her wine (at which point, if I were her, I would have chugged and refilled 12 times). But wait! Jake then spends some time with Kathryn. She calls Jake out on not really getting to know her, and he pretends like it wasn't on purpose. Their time together is basically a job interview after which no one gets an offer. After his time with the girls, Jake asks to speak to Ella, where he tells her she's great and kicks her off. I couldn't have scripted it better. But then...just wait. He goes back in, Kathryn smiles and comforts him knowing she's won this round, and Jake responds by kicking her off TOO!! Do you die? I died. Our little Jake plays by the rules no more. To end it all, he dramatically tosses the rose in the fire pit, and we collectively giggle.

At the rose ceremony, the girls are gunning for Vienna. Jessie (yeah, she's still on the show even though we still don't know her name or who she is) tells Jake that she thinks Vienna sucks. Unfortunately, Jake was most likely too distracted by her heinous green eye makeup to hear what she said, but her efforts were to be lauded. Then Vienna grabs Jake for some alone time, during which Jake once again talks to Vienna about why everyone hates her. She changes the subject back to herself. Surprise! The other girls take their final attempts at wooing Jake, and then it's time for the hand-outs. But not before they all discuss how much they hate Vienna, and Ali (lovely in yellow, as always) threatens to tell Jake what she really thinks if he actually asks Vienna to stay.

1) Gia
2) Tenley
3) Ali
4) Corrie

-scene interrupted -

Jake, after tearing up (yes, I totally predicted the first tears would come in episode four!!), excuses himself and asks to talk to Chris. He then asks Chris's advice on what he would do if he were faced with a similar decision of having to ask two women to stay when he really only wanted one. Again...Jake bends the rules.

-back at the ceremony-

Chris tells the ladies that he'll be taking one of the two remaining roses away, and two women will be going home instead of one.

5) Vienna. GASP!!! Kidding. Of course she's staying...there would be no drama if she didn't. Wonder how much ABC paid Jake for that one...

Bye: Ella, Kathryn, Ashleigh and Jessie

Awards:
1) Come from behind award: Gia
2) Worst ties: Jake. Who is responsible for his rose ceremony ties?!?
3) Quote: "Are you f*cking kidding me?" - Ashleigh, reacting to going home before Vienna. Couldn't have put it better myself, my dear.

Until next week,

Mike