Yeah. So "The Bachelor" starts tonight. Is ABC kidding me right now? Why didn't they call me to tell me? As a consultant to the network, you'd think they'd let me know by a personal phone call. Apparently they didn't get the memo that my phone number changed (along with my address) since the last season. I feel dirty. I feel alone. I feel taken advantage of.
Here I am in Hotlanta, completely oblivious to reality (like most deranged Southerners). I leave the city for two days, and my life changes completely. Who am I? What do I believe in? Am I still as fabulous as I've always been? Please. Let's be honest. Of course I am. I'm just in the dark when it comes to my reason for living.
So, friends, I cannot watch tonight's premier--which leads me to a tough decision ABC has forced me to make. Do I watch this season? Or do I wait for what I thought was the next season (that with Jen as "The Bachelorette")? I mean, we all know I like that show better. But we also know I am the number one fan (a fact I am unwilling to argue).
Tomorrow will be a sad day for you all, I know. Just suck it up and deal with it. As I meet college's future freshman, you will be watching "The Bachelor" alone.
I've let you down. And I apologize.
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