It’s my favorite episode of the season: the Fantasy Date episode, in which the Bachelor whisks his three lovers away to a fabulous destination (New Zealand, in this case) so he can con them into boning him while they’re too awestruck by the scenery to really comprehend the gravity of the situation. Ahhh, the inevitable “To Bone or Not To Bone” episode! Nothing gets me going like seeing three chicks over three consecutive nights grapple with the pressing question of whether or not to sleep with their boyfriend with whom they’ve spent a grand total of ~15 hours “dating” over the past few weeks. It’s genius. And we begin…
The frontrunner, Jillian, is first. Riding high off the most successful “meet the parents” visit in Bachelor history, she’s sitting pretty. But Jason has questions. Thus, I will call this Fantasy Date, “Jillian: Is There Romance?” The vignette begins with a chopper ride around the peaks and valleys of New Zealand. They share an afternoon of beautiful views and good times, but Jason is searching for more. Yeah, he likes her a whole lot. But does he love her? Is there something beyond friendship brewing here? Yes, of course there is! And she convinces him (with her requisite trembly voice) of this over dinner at a winery. “I have never, in my entire life, felt like somebody is more meant for me than you are,” says Jillian. And Jason melts. His true love has expressed her emotions, and the romance is there! Jason says “it’s possible I’m falling in love with her.” And we know it’s true when the H.O.T. tub scene follows. Um…was it just me, or was this about as X-rated as The Bachelor as ever been? I’m talking pelvis-to-pelvis, leg-wrapping-around-bumping-and-grinding-and-moaning hot tub ACTION folks. It was H.O.T. with a capital H.O.T. I think we can safely assume they boned here.
The next day, feathers ruffled a bit from the night before, Jason meets the other top contender for his love, Molly. While she isn’t looking her cutest in an oversized brown sleeveless cable-knit cardigan, she is still her cute Midwestern self, and we love her. We’ll entitle this Fantasy Date, “Molly: Is there Depth?” Jason is longing for Molly to open up and dive into the relationship head first…and that is exactly what she does. They bungee jump, and dive head-first in to love. Awww. After the jumping extravaganza, they share a cup of coffee and Molly asks Jason a lengthy list of questions, which I thought was pretty cute. She delivered the questions in her typical quirky/smirky way, and it was cute. We now know that Jason prefers peanut butter chocolate ice cream (as do I). Thank goodness that was resolved. Later in the evening, they meet up for dinner. Molly is looking cute as can be in a dress and heels, and Jason wears a sweater and jeans. Um…you look underdressed and stupid, Jason. Pull it together. Jason probes Molly to see if she has any emotional depth, and she delivers! She admits to her guard being up, but she also admits to falling in love with him, and it actually looks believable. Sidenote: how classic that Jason pointed out that her family was distant and not emotional on the outside? Gotta love the Midwest! Then, in her Molly way, she shakes things up by asking Jason to spend the night with her, as opposed to waiting for the card from Chris. Amazing. They bone.
Lastly, Melissa the family-less wonder from Texas arrives to get third place. No one likes her, she isn’t as cute, and we’re just plain over it. I’ll entitle this Fantasy Date, “Melissa: Is there a Secret?” Seriously, Melissa, what was the deal with your ghost family? Why do they hate you? Why did you totally blow it on the hometown date? Why are you even here? Whatever. Jason meets her wearing a disastrous graphic polo-meets-tee-shirt two-for-one disaster, and it’s a mess. They share a beautiful boat ride on Winston Churchill’s old boat (what?) and he grills her about her family. I kind of tuned out at this point b/c I was more interested in the eye candy on my couch (and my dinner), but apparently she said the right things about her bizarre-o family, and she won him back. They share dinner, they share sex. They bone.
Wow…three-for-three on the To Bone or Not To Bone Challenge! Way to go Jason!
After the whirlwind week, Jason is left to contemplate his future. Luckily, he has three cheesy video messages from the girls to help him! Kidding. They’re dumb as always, and we’re over it. We’re simply left reaffirmed in our beliefs: Jillian and Molly are staying, and Melissa is going back to Texas to hang out with her “family” who hates her.
BUT WAIT.
Melissa not only arrives in a HEINOUS prom dress circa 1995, she gets a rose! Are you kidding me? She is hereby referred to as Devil in a Bad Dress. Shocker of the century (or, more like shocker of February 16, 2009, but whatever).
Jason gives roses to:
1) Melissa
2) Molly
And he sends Jillian back to the mythical land of Canada! Are we dying? I’m dying.
Sadly, Jillian jibber-jabbers as she leaves, but we love her all the same. Best of luck finding the man of your dreams in Canada, Jilly! We love you in America. She leaves the set, Jason cries knowing he made a mistake, and we all turn off the TV in disbelief.
Awards:
1) Most Canadian: Jillian
2) Worst dress: Melissa’s high school dance dress
3) Worst family: Melissa’s hateful family
4) Worst decision: keeping Melissa on.
5) Most from Grand Rapids: Molly
Until two weeks from now (I’m not blogging the Bitches Tell All episode, as I’ll be working on my tan South of the border!),
Mike
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Homeward-bound
So we’ve got four chicks left, and four hometown dates between them and the trip of their lifetime—a jaunt to New Zealand with a short single dad. We’re homeward-bound this week, folks, and we know what that means: a whole lotta crazy is in store for us. Before I begin, let me refresh our collective memory on the remaining bimbos: Jillian, Molly, Melissa and Naomi. Two suck, two rock, who will be the last b*tch standing?
Our first trip home is to the mythical land of Canadia. Kelowna, British Columbia, in fact. Wait…who lives in Canada? Jillian does, duh. Sidenote: $50 to the first person to name the Canadian Prime Minister without Googling it. Anyways, back to business. Apparently Canada is pretty in the Fall. Jillian shows Jason the lake on which she spent her childhoods. She also opens up about her mom’s battle with depression. Jason is touched, they definitely like each other. They soon head to her house, where her family literally embraces Jason with the Canadian flag. Pretty funny. Her dad is a gem, her mom is cute, sister’s sexy…this hometown visit wins! There wasn’t a hint of awkwardness, and we’re excited that Jason just met his future ex-in-laws. Oh, and the grandma was cute too. But seriously, this has to go down in Bachelor history as one of the better hometown dates ever. We love Jillian, even though she says a-GAIN (again).
After the glorious visit to the north…he continues his trek above the Mason-Dixon line, and heads to Grand Rapids, Michigan (my hometown, in case any of you DARED forget) to visit Molly, the other frontrunner. It’s basically paradise. The prettiest place on earth, with a cute country club to boot! Get this: I spent every summer of my life setting records at the pool at the country club where they played golf. Just sayin’…
Molly and Jason reunite at the country club and play a round of golf. They then head to Molly’s parents’ house to meet the mom, the dad, and the sister and husband. The mom pulls out some funny tricks and embarrasses her daughter and Jason by making them wear hats. The dad is a mute who can’t carry a conversation with his daughter, but we’ll look beyond that. Jason is then forced to draw a picture of Molly, which wasn’t THAT bad, but was also quite heinous. Mom’s quirky antics aside, this hometown visit was fine and she’s still in the running. And Grand Rapids, the shining jewel of the Midwest, looked fantastic!
After two good hometown dates, we all know what’s coming: the bad one. Jason descends on California to meet Naomi and her family. Within the first hour at home, the mom initiates a hula hoop contest and a burial of a white dove she killed while driving. Yes, you read that correctly. Jason and family bury a dead bird in the backyard, and Jason is forced to eulogize the mangy thing. Gross, weird, disgusting. Also gross? The fact that this bird was kept in the refrigerator in a brown bag prior to the ceremonial burial. (I also love how the crazy mom comes with the requisite gray, streaky hair that all earth mothers have.) Jason is horrified. His horror continues when the distant dad starts evangelizing about Jesus. It’s awesome…total classic Bachelor fodder, and I’m loving it! Naomi talks to her dad next, and flat-out tells him that she doesn’t care if Jason isn’t a Jesus-seeker. It’s awkward and uncomfortable because we can clearly tell she has no relationship with her father at all. Combine the disastrous family with the fact that Naomi just plain sucks (and totally isn’t ready to settle and/or be a mom) and this dark-skinned beauty with an underbite is a goner.
Finally, Jason gets to meet Melissa’s family in Dallas (what Bachelor would be complete without a visit to Texas??). CUE THE RECORD-SCRATCH SOUNDBITE! Just kidding, Melissa’s family is too “private” to meet Melissa’s suitor in a televised event, so Jason is stuck having dinner with two of Melissa’s friends and their husbands and kids. Awesome. You know she had to cull through her Rolodex (even though no one has a Rolodex…it just sounded good) to find her married friends, as opposed to her single friends in order to convince Jason that’s she’s ready to marry. It’s amazing. It’s also completely uneventful. Jason spends some time with her two girlfriends, who admit they totally don’t know Melissa’s parents. Wait…does Melissa even have parents? I guess that remains to be seen. Rather bizarre all around, and we’re left to wonder: will Jason drop this mess and keep Naomi around, or is Melissa worth keeping on because she sucks less than Naomi?
To be honest, I thought Melissa seemed a bit more “real” in this episode, and I like her a little more. Clearly not as much as Jillian or Molly, but whatever.
Back in Seattle, Chris and Jason catch up in order to stretch the show to a full two hours. Ugh…
Jason expresses his concern for…well…ALL of the girls. Are they ready? Can they really envision a life with a single dad? Can they live with him in his house in Seattle which is SO OBVIOUSLY not the house on the water that ABC rented for him so it looks like he’s loaded? Clearly Jason is a “fixer” and he goes for the young, helpless chicks. Disaster.
At the Rose Ceremony (a.k.a. the Return of the Heinous Striped Shirt/Tie Combo), we’re treated to more bad fashion and one broken heart.
He chooses:
1) Molly
2) Jillian
3) Melissa
No surprises that Naomi is sent packing. Best of luck in Crazytown.
Awards:
1) Best hometown: Grand Rapids, MI
2) Loony Tunes family: Naomi’s
3) Worst shoes at rose ceremony: Naomi’s gold gladiator deals that tied up her chubby legs.
4) Worst fashion consultant: The stylist dressing Jason. The loud striped shirt is NEVER cute. Thanks. Keep that in 2002 where it belongs.
Until next week,
Mike
Our first trip home is to the mythical land of Canadia. Kelowna, British Columbia, in fact. Wait…who lives in Canada? Jillian does, duh. Sidenote: $50 to the first person to name the Canadian Prime Minister without Googling it. Anyways, back to business. Apparently Canada is pretty in the Fall. Jillian shows Jason the lake on which she spent her childhoods. She also opens up about her mom’s battle with depression. Jason is touched, they definitely like each other. They soon head to her house, where her family literally embraces Jason with the Canadian flag. Pretty funny. Her dad is a gem, her mom is cute, sister’s sexy…this hometown visit wins! There wasn’t a hint of awkwardness, and we’re excited that Jason just met his future ex-in-laws. Oh, and the grandma was cute too. But seriously, this has to go down in Bachelor history as one of the better hometown dates ever. We love Jillian, even though she says a-GAIN (again).
After the glorious visit to the north…he continues his trek above the Mason-Dixon line, and heads to Grand Rapids, Michigan (my hometown, in case any of you DARED forget) to visit Molly, the other frontrunner. It’s basically paradise. The prettiest place on earth, with a cute country club to boot! Get this: I spent every summer of my life setting records at the pool at the country club where they played golf. Just sayin’…
Molly and Jason reunite at the country club and play a round of golf. They then head to Molly’s parents’ house to meet the mom, the dad, and the sister and husband. The mom pulls out some funny tricks and embarrasses her daughter and Jason by making them wear hats. The dad is a mute who can’t carry a conversation with his daughter, but we’ll look beyond that. Jason is then forced to draw a picture of Molly, which wasn’t THAT bad, but was also quite heinous. Mom’s quirky antics aside, this hometown visit was fine and she’s still in the running. And Grand Rapids, the shining jewel of the Midwest, looked fantastic!
After two good hometown dates, we all know what’s coming: the bad one. Jason descends on California to meet Naomi and her family. Within the first hour at home, the mom initiates a hula hoop contest and a burial of a white dove she killed while driving. Yes, you read that correctly. Jason and family bury a dead bird in the backyard, and Jason is forced to eulogize the mangy thing. Gross, weird, disgusting. Also gross? The fact that this bird was kept in the refrigerator in a brown bag prior to the ceremonial burial. (I also love how the crazy mom comes with the requisite gray, streaky hair that all earth mothers have.) Jason is horrified. His horror continues when the distant dad starts evangelizing about Jesus. It’s awesome…total classic Bachelor fodder, and I’m loving it! Naomi talks to her dad next, and flat-out tells him that she doesn’t care if Jason isn’t a Jesus-seeker. It’s awkward and uncomfortable because we can clearly tell she has no relationship with her father at all. Combine the disastrous family with the fact that Naomi just plain sucks (and totally isn’t ready to settle and/or be a mom) and this dark-skinned beauty with an underbite is a goner.
Finally, Jason gets to meet Melissa’s family in Dallas (what Bachelor would be complete without a visit to Texas??). CUE THE RECORD-SCRATCH SOUNDBITE! Just kidding, Melissa’s family is too “private” to meet Melissa’s suitor in a televised event, so Jason is stuck having dinner with two of Melissa’s friends and their husbands and kids. Awesome. You know she had to cull through her Rolodex (even though no one has a Rolodex…it just sounded good) to find her married friends, as opposed to her single friends in order to convince Jason that’s she’s ready to marry. It’s amazing. It’s also completely uneventful. Jason spends some time with her two girlfriends, who admit they totally don’t know Melissa’s parents. Wait…does Melissa even have parents? I guess that remains to be seen. Rather bizarre all around, and we’re left to wonder: will Jason drop this mess and keep Naomi around, or is Melissa worth keeping on because she sucks less than Naomi?
To be honest, I thought Melissa seemed a bit more “real” in this episode, and I like her a little more. Clearly not as much as Jillian or Molly, but whatever.
Back in Seattle, Chris and Jason catch up in order to stretch the show to a full two hours. Ugh…
Jason expresses his concern for…well…ALL of the girls. Are they ready? Can they really envision a life with a single dad? Can they live with him in his house in Seattle which is SO OBVIOUSLY not the house on the water that ABC rented for him so it looks like he’s loaded? Clearly Jason is a “fixer” and he goes for the young, helpless chicks. Disaster.
At the Rose Ceremony (a.k.a. the Return of the Heinous Striped Shirt/Tie Combo), we’re treated to more bad fashion and one broken heart.
He chooses:
1) Molly
2) Jillian
3) Melissa
No surprises that Naomi is sent packing. Best of luck in Crazytown.
Awards:
1) Best hometown: Grand Rapids, MI
2) Loony Tunes family: Naomi’s
3) Worst shoes at rose ceremony: Naomi’s gold gladiator deals that tied up her chubby legs.
4) Worst fashion consultant: The stylist dressing Jason. The loud striped shirt is NEVER cute. Thanks. Keep that in 2002 where it belongs.
Until next week,
Mike
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Groundhog's Day--Have we been here before?
Another Groundhog’s Day, another episode of The Bachelor…I can’t help but think: have we been here before? The answer is yes. Just as the furry rodent appears in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania year after year to somehow predict our weather, our gaggle or girls fiending over some dude with far too many gratuitous shirtless scenes reappears on ABC week after week, year after year…and so do I. (Oops, sorry about my short hiatus over the past couple weeks. We’ll just say I got “tied up.”)
Apparently missing two episodes is an amazing strategy, because we’re already down to five divas vying for this single dad’s love: Melissa, Jillian, Stephanie, Naomi and Molly. Before I even begin, let me just predict that it’s going to come down to the two cutest and most normal chicks in the running: Jillian and Molly. Duh. Jillian brings the Canadian heat, and I love her. And Molly…well…I simply HAVE to love her because she’s from my hometown and her mom may or may not have worked at my father’s place of employment for years. Not to mention, she’s cute and fun and spunky in the Grand Rapids, MI sort of way.
This episode, the girls are transported to the mythical land of Seattle, where they are forced to face the truth: can you handle 11.5 months of rain each year, or are you too weak? Do you really want to marry a short guy with an annoying son, or are you gonna bail when things get tough? Interesting question, Mike. And one that is quickly answered on the first one-on-one date with Melissa.
This date promises to be magical. Melissa gets all dressed up in a “pretty” dress for a night on the town with Jason. What could be better than the space needle on a cloudy and rainy night? Why, it’s obvious isn’t it? A night at home with Jason because his kid is too needy to let Daddy take Melissa on the previously-mentioned date! As Jason prepares for his big night out, little Ty gets whiny and the spineless father obliges his child’s needs by staying in. He gives Mel a ring, and she is forced to abandon all hopes for romance, and, instead, heads to Jason’s house on the water for a night in. She arrives in her dress and cleans the house (as every woman should) while Jason puts the little one to bed. There’s nothing like fulfilling gender roles, my friends. And doing it in a dress? Even better.
Cut to the hotel room with the other b*tches. They sit around, super annoyed, that Melissa has this chance to meet Ty. Too bad Jason isn’t ready to introduce anyone to the little bugger, so their fears are not realized. But he does allow Melissa to sneak a peak at the sleeping beauty.
After they spy on the sleeping child, Jason and Melissa talk and make out. Melissa is annoying, and they have no future. Done. No, but really, I mean, it’s not there. Girlfriend doesn’t know what she’s getting into, and although she played it off like she was fine lounging around, girlfriend wanted to go out and take her top off on the dance floor. Instead, she was relegated to a night in a floating house playing kissy on the couch.
The second date found Stephanie, Jillian and Molly on a boat with a view of the city. Stephanie is the first to get a little Jason time, and she steers the boat while they talk, once again, about their kids. They have ZERO chemistry, folks. Jason feels like he has to like her because she’s nice and has a daughter and a sad story, but let’s get real. It’s like they’re friends in a singles soccer mom/dad support group, not lovers. And does he really want to spend the rest of his life with those cheek bones? No.
After the boat ride, they go to a radio show, where Jason is interviewed about his experience. He confesses that the best kisser is Molly, and is then forced to have a kissing contest. He is blindfolded with a pink boa, and each of the girls kisses him, one by one. Jason scores a perfect 100% because he’s slutty like that. Sidenote: who barfed when Stephanie kissed both his hands before laying one on him? I did. And who barfed even more when she described her bedroom behavior and how she likes to kiss every square inch of a man’s body and “love on him”? Vomit.
After this, Jason chats with Jillian and tries to get answers to see if she’s ready for this. “Yes,” she says, in her cute Canadian inflection.
The last date finally finds Naomi on her first one-on-one date with Jason. They fly in a sea plane and go rock climbing. On the top of the man-made cliff they have what Jason calls an “extreme kiss.” Dumb. Another zinger of a quote soon follows when Naomi confesses that she “climbed a wall and her walls came down” while she talks about opening up to Jason. Double dumb. After the climb, they share some fondue and share an un-romantic night. Her face is busted and I’m over her.
Meanwhile, back at the manse, the girls are in the hotel bathroom together (??) taking a bath in their bathing suits (????) and talking about they guy they’re all dating because that’s a totally normal thing to do.
Before the “Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever” (Groundhog’s Day, anyone??), Jason once again pulls Jillian aside to make sure she’s not going to break his heart. Clearly he likes her (with her “oooouuuwt” and “abooouuuwts” and all).
At the actual rose ceremony, Jason also pulls Naomi aside before he hands out the roses, just to heighten the tension a bit. She insists she’s ready (she’s not) and it’s fake and annoying. She also resembles an egg timer in her disastrous outfit, but we’ll address that later…
So Jason chooses:
1) Jillian
2) Melissa
3) Molly
4) Naomi
And, in no big surprise, he sends Stephanie home after telling her she’s the “most amazing person he’s ever met.” Like we didn’t see that coming 82 miles away.
Wait, who caught the awkward almost-man-hug between Chris and Jason after his tearful speech to Stephanie? It was brilliant and mute-worthy.
Awards:
1) Dress disaster: Stephanie’s tablecloth turned ball gown.
2) Overall trainwreck of a look: Naomi’s outfit/tattoo at the rose ceremony. She paired a heinous top with her stewardess skirt and called it a day…but not without exposing her shoulder tat to the world. Awesome. Oh, and fix your underbite.
3) Quote: “Some things are just meant to be.”—Stephanie. Sorry sweetheart. Your cheek bones and taut face are simply not meant to be. You paid for that mess.
Until next week,
Mike
Apparently missing two episodes is an amazing strategy, because we’re already down to five divas vying for this single dad’s love: Melissa, Jillian, Stephanie, Naomi and Molly. Before I even begin, let me just predict that it’s going to come down to the two cutest and most normal chicks in the running: Jillian and Molly. Duh. Jillian brings the Canadian heat, and I love her. And Molly…well…I simply HAVE to love her because she’s from my hometown and her mom may or may not have worked at my father’s place of employment for years. Not to mention, she’s cute and fun and spunky in the Grand Rapids, MI sort of way.
This episode, the girls are transported to the mythical land of Seattle, where they are forced to face the truth: can you handle 11.5 months of rain each year, or are you too weak? Do you really want to marry a short guy with an annoying son, or are you gonna bail when things get tough? Interesting question, Mike. And one that is quickly answered on the first one-on-one date with Melissa.
This date promises to be magical. Melissa gets all dressed up in a “pretty” dress for a night on the town with Jason. What could be better than the space needle on a cloudy and rainy night? Why, it’s obvious isn’t it? A night at home with Jason because his kid is too needy to let Daddy take Melissa on the previously-mentioned date! As Jason prepares for his big night out, little Ty gets whiny and the spineless father obliges his child’s needs by staying in. He gives Mel a ring, and she is forced to abandon all hopes for romance, and, instead, heads to Jason’s house on the water for a night in. She arrives in her dress and cleans the house (as every woman should) while Jason puts the little one to bed. There’s nothing like fulfilling gender roles, my friends. And doing it in a dress? Even better.
Cut to the hotel room with the other b*tches. They sit around, super annoyed, that Melissa has this chance to meet Ty. Too bad Jason isn’t ready to introduce anyone to the little bugger, so their fears are not realized. But he does allow Melissa to sneak a peak at the sleeping beauty.
After they spy on the sleeping child, Jason and Melissa talk and make out. Melissa is annoying, and they have no future. Done. No, but really, I mean, it’s not there. Girlfriend doesn’t know what she’s getting into, and although she played it off like she was fine lounging around, girlfriend wanted to go out and take her top off on the dance floor. Instead, she was relegated to a night in a floating house playing kissy on the couch.
The second date found Stephanie, Jillian and Molly on a boat with a view of the city. Stephanie is the first to get a little Jason time, and she steers the boat while they talk, once again, about their kids. They have ZERO chemistry, folks. Jason feels like he has to like her because she’s nice and has a daughter and a sad story, but let’s get real. It’s like they’re friends in a singles soccer mom/dad support group, not lovers. And does he really want to spend the rest of his life with those cheek bones? No.
After the boat ride, they go to a radio show, where Jason is interviewed about his experience. He confesses that the best kisser is Molly, and is then forced to have a kissing contest. He is blindfolded with a pink boa, and each of the girls kisses him, one by one. Jason scores a perfect 100% because he’s slutty like that. Sidenote: who barfed when Stephanie kissed both his hands before laying one on him? I did. And who barfed even more when she described her bedroom behavior and how she likes to kiss every square inch of a man’s body and “love on him”? Vomit.
After this, Jason chats with Jillian and tries to get answers to see if she’s ready for this. “Yes,” she says, in her cute Canadian inflection.
The last date finally finds Naomi on her first one-on-one date with Jason. They fly in a sea plane and go rock climbing. On the top of the man-made cliff they have what Jason calls an “extreme kiss.” Dumb. Another zinger of a quote soon follows when Naomi confesses that she “climbed a wall and her walls came down” while she talks about opening up to Jason. Double dumb. After the climb, they share some fondue and share an un-romantic night. Her face is busted and I’m over her.
Meanwhile, back at the manse, the girls are in the hotel bathroom together (??) taking a bath in their bathing suits (????) and talking about they guy they’re all dating because that’s a totally normal thing to do.
Before the “Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever” (Groundhog’s Day, anyone??), Jason once again pulls Jillian aside to make sure she’s not going to break his heart. Clearly he likes her (with her “oooouuuwt” and “abooouuuwts” and all).
At the actual rose ceremony, Jason also pulls Naomi aside before he hands out the roses, just to heighten the tension a bit. She insists she’s ready (she’s not) and it’s fake and annoying. She also resembles an egg timer in her disastrous outfit, but we’ll address that later…
So Jason chooses:
1) Jillian
2) Melissa
3) Molly
4) Naomi
And, in no big surprise, he sends Stephanie home after telling her she’s the “most amazing person he’s ever met.” Like we didn’t see that coming 82 miles away.
Wait, who caught the awkward almost-man-hug between Chris and Jason after his tearful speech to Stephanie? It was brilliant and mute-worthy.
Awards:
1) Dress disaster: Stephanie’s tablecloth turned ball gown.
2) Overall trainwreck of a look: Naomi’s outfit/tattoo at the rose ceremony. She paired a heinous top with her stewardess skirt and called it a day…but not without exposing her shoulder tat to the world. Awesome. Oh, and fix your underbite.
3) Quote: “Some things are just meant to be.”—Stephanie. Sorry sweetheart. Your cheek bones and taut face are simply not meant to be. You paid for that mess.
Until next week,
Mike
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