You're Just a Virgin Who Can't Drive

We've driven up the coast a bit further for a little San Francisco treat. Out of the RVs and into the Intercontinental we go. Our setting for this episode is the Mark Hopkins Hotel, on the "crest" of lovely Nob Hill. Talk about an upgrade. One night you're in an RV, the next you're in a palace. So there are five girls left, and next week is Jake-meets-the-parents week. Who's getting the boot? Will he keep the one and only brunette (Gia) and ditch one of the four blondes?

The first one-on-one date goes to Tenley. It's a chill date strolling around Chinatown (barf) followed by a nice dinner. We all agree that Tenley is cute, but she's not that comfortable around him. It felt very "first date-y," and I don't think she's doing herself any favors. Later, Jake wears a turtleneck at dinner, and brings us all down with his poor style choice. Overall, it's blah.

Meanwhile, the tension is building at the hotel. Will the two-on-one date be between mortal enemies Ali and Vienna (gasp)? Corrie gets the date card and reads out the names. Ali and Vienna!!!! Ha! She lets the drama sink in for a hot minute until she cuts the tension with a knife and says the date will be with Gia and Vienna. Ali about died and we loved it.

So the two-on-one is Gia and Vienna at a castle-like vineyard in Napa. "Jake" sends the girls a trunk of clothes for the date (I love how the girls think that Jake is actually packing trunks of clothing as if he'd know what they'd want to wear). But then again...who is packing these trunks filled with sequins and utterly un-cute loud prints and slutty tops? We've got a job opening in the wardrobe department, people! Gia chooses a lovely teal turtleneck lace top and a metallic bra (yes, you read that correctly), Vienna predictably chooses a pink sequin tank top, and off they go to the castle. The date is inevitably uncomfortable as awkward Vienna makes it all about herself, and Gia is the third wheel. It's tacky, just like her skin, hair, and make up. Until, Jake and Gia go make out in some grotto within the castle. Then...duh...Vienna interrupts them because she needs more me time. At the end of the date, it seems as though Gia is the big winner. He's comfortable with her, and he's distant with Vienna. They all spend the night at the castle, Vienna sneaks in to Jake's room (surprise!). Overall, it's fine. Vienna is dumb. Gia wins.

The next date is between Corrie and Jake. Key take-away from this one: Corrie is a virgin. She wants to wait until marriage, and she doesn't want to live with her husband until they're hitched. Jake played it coolly, but you know he was like "WHA?!?!?!" internally. Basically, she just screwed her chances in her virgin-like way.

The last date is what we've all been waiting for: Ali and Jake. Finally the San Franciscan gets to show Jake around her city and prove to him once again that she's the one for him. A very booby and cute Ali takes to the streets with Jake. We think they're matching in their blue outfits for a second until we realize Ali is wearing purple. Phew. The chemistry is obviously there between them as they wander the streets, buy flowers, mount each other in a park, and ruin their clothes while playing in the ocean. Was anyone else concerned about her knee-high boots in the waves? Hello? And was anyone else a little thrown off by Ali's public mounting of Jake's business in the park? It was a bit much and she could have easily mooned innocent passersby.

At the rose ceremony, there are no surprises. Jake tells the camera before the ceremony that he likes Vienna, so all guesses were out the window.

1) Tenley
2) Ali
3) Gia
4) Vienna (duh...it was so obvious)

Adios Corrie!

Awards.:
1) Quote: "Just because I'm a virgin doesn't mean I'm not in touch with my sensual side." - Corrie. Um...yes it does. That's exactly what it means. You're in "touch" with nothing.
2) Front runners: Ali, with Gia a close second.
3) Tampa Trash: Vienna