Blind as an Austin Bat

Lovers, our beloved Jillian hit a new low this episode, and I'm still reeling from it. She's been duped, my friends, by a honky-tonk hillbilly hungry for fame...and it's just so hard to watch. But I'll get to that mess later. It's the hometown date night and we have five families to meet. So let's get to it! [N.B. we have five (5) families to meet as opposed to four, so our time with them is a bit short. Thus, we're a bit short on drama this go around. Sad, but true.]

We're cheesesteak-bound first. Jillian meets a very cutely-dressed Reid in his hometown of Philly; and things amped up like a cheeze-whiz induced heart attack. After checking out some good views, we meet his cute family at their cute house. Reid's family notices how affectionate they are, and there is literally no drama. Dad, my favorite character in this visit, gives his son great advice: "Take risks." He was very sweet and Jillian fell more for Reid during this date.

Next we're headed to California to meet Michael and his hyper family. His twin brother is just that: his twin. There is a lot of jumping and screaming throughout the date, and all goes according to hyper plan. Even the failed "switcheroo" when Michael and his twin try to fool Jillian by switching outfits. It lasts all of 2 seconds before she catches on. At the end of the date, Michael and Jillian finally kiss...for the first and (let's be honest) last time. Although I actually think Michael likes her now.

We stay in Cali for the next date, but this time it's with Kiptyn. His family is rich, educated, and totally California, complete with the blonde, overdone mother and the pretty plastic McMansion. You can tell Jilly is all about her beloved Kiptyn. His parents test her palate by giving her a lasagna and wine taste test (to see the best lasagna and wine) and she passes. Aww...the little hick from up North can do it! There was minor drama here when the overbearing, 80s-haired mom questioned Jillian and her quest for "unconditional love" (mom doesn't believe in it), but all went according to plan. Also, the family pulled a little joke on Jillian and her tendency for racy hot tub scenes by roping off their hot tub with caution tape. Hilarious. But they cut through that mess and got wet anyway.

Next we go a bit further north in California to visit Jesse's family on the farm. They own and run a winery, and their a bit hippy and fun. His caveman brother is anti-relationship and surprised at Jesse's affection for Jillian. But is Jesse's heart still too cold for love? Best quote of the date (by brother): "Have you guys been naked together?" Brills. Jesse, the "emotional ice cube" seems to really be falling for Jillian, and the date ends with a cute dance party/jam session with the family band (complete with Jesse on drums).

We end the night with a visit to Austin, TX. Please note the "Blind as an Austin Bat" reference above. The date begins with Wes getting free national air time for his stupid band, while his voiceover says, "The ultimate goal is getting our new CD to do well." Well, you got what you wanted. And shame on you, ABC, for giving it to him. Ridiculous. Wes has hereby fully cemented his role as Douchebag of the Year (DOY) and I hate him. My favorite quote, which underlies the whole evening, "I'm not a good liar." Thanks Wes. We know. Your intentions are written all over your face, but apparently Jillian doesn't seem them. She's too busy listening to your awful music. But hey, Canadians aren't known for their musical prowess.

Then...dun dun dun...Jake shows up to tell Jillian that he has a girlfriend, and that Wes confided this in him throughout the show. Laurel (she has a name!!), the beloved lover, and Wes are still in a relationship. Amazing. I heart Jake and his cheesy smile.

Meanwhile, Wes disengenuously tells Jillian that he really likes her (glad he's in music and not acting). "I'm not a good liar." Barf. The direction in this scene was brilliant. Way to feed him the lines, ABC.

Later, Jake knocks on Jillian's door, and a befuddled Jillian lets him in expecting he wants her back. But no...he's here to spill the dirt, but in a cute, Jake-like way. He's all emotional, and he finally tells her about Wes's girlfriend and that he's a total DB. Deep down we know that Jillian knows he's telling the truth, especially since he came with no motive but to be honest. He doesn't want Jillian to take him back, he wants her to save herself from hurt and heartbreak. Clearly she has blinders on, because during the confrontation later she kind of sides with Wes by giving him a chance. But more on that later. Jake leaves Jillian to her thoughts and tells her to call him if he's needed.

Wes then shows up, and walks in the door with a "What's up, momma?" Are you kidding? Momma??? Jillian gives him a chance to come clean, and he, free of emotion, denies it by saying "That's crazy." Okay, if you were faced with a completely false accusation by someone for whom you were genuinely were falling, wouldn't you muster at least a semblance of emotion and anger? Wes, being a lying sack of bat dung, simply says it's a lie, and says he likes her and that she's pretty. Um...what? Wes, I officially hate you and so does America. And your band sucks. So best of luck with your life. He muddles through a few more lies before Jillian wants Jake to join them so the real truth will come out.

Well, we're still waiting for that. Because Wes continues to deny it all when Jake arrives, and tries to drag Jake through the mud. After a slightly-heated confrontation, Jillian gives Wes one LAST chance to come clean. He clears his throat twice (um...ever heard of dead-on signs of a liar?!?!?!) and he denies it. It doesn't work, but a dumbfounded and blind Jillian keeps him around and decides to meet his family. Meanwhile, Jake weeps outside her room. Yikes...

The visit with Wes's family is fine, even though the whole family clearly lied to Jillian when they brought up the matter of the girlfriend. One sister said, "People will always be jealous of you, Wesley. You have it all." What? A failing career, a mediocre band, graying/thinning hair and a spare tire? If that's "it all," consider me, well, famous.

Then the shocker of the century (and by "shocker" I mean we saw it coming from 8200 miles away), Ed comes back and asks that Jillian give him another chance. Surprise!! Clearly she invites him to the rose ceremony.

At the rose ceremony, Ed shows up to make it six. Two will be sent home. Roses go to:
1) Reid
2) Kiptyn
3) Ed...I'm not surprised
4) Wes...ugh

Bye: Michael and Jesse.

While I'm not surprised that Michael and Jesse are homeward-bound, I'm still shocked by her choice of Wes. I mean, she has GOT to know he's bad news bears. If not, I'm breaking up with her.

Awards:
1) DB: Wes
2) Blind as an Austin Bat: Jillian (If you don't get the "Austin Bat" reference, Google that mess. They're so cool! And they made an appearance tonight during stock Austin footage.)
3) Frontrunner: Reid. But Kip and Ed are close behind.

Until next week (get excited, it's "To Bone Or Not To Bone" night!!!),

Mike