To Bone or Not To Bone?

That is the question.

It’s Fantasy Date Night (aka “To Bone or Not To Bone?”), and we’re once again world travelers with the personality-free Lorenzo and his three babes. To be honest, the evening felt a bit blah, but I blog on…

Stop One: Svveeeeeeden (Sweden). Jen and Lorenzo travel to some random Swedish town we’ve never heard of to decompress after Jen’s dad pulled a gun on Lorenzo. I mean, they’re there to get to know each other more in hopes of boning at the end of the date—let’s be honest. And in order to have the most authentic Swedish experience possible, they go to…wait for it…an amusement park!?!? So weird. But, they do dress up in silver spacesuits when they go to the Icebar. Inside the bar made of ice, I oddly wanted to be there so I could pee on the bar to watch it melt—but that’s beside the point. Anyway, nothing much happens. Jen accepts the Fantasy Suite invitation, and they spend a romantic night together.

Stop Two: Budapest. Crazy, er Lisa, and Lorenzo meet up at a wine festival so Lorenzo can drink himself into the ability to deal with Lisa. Lisa is wearing an ugly dress with sleeves, he interrogates her for five hours, and we hope to God he sends her home.

So far, Lorenzo still has not shown us much personality. We’re annoyed, no?

Stop Three: Sicily. Sadie (the love of my life) and Lorenzo meet up at a classy resort so she can be classy and conservative and classy. I jest...But seriously, she is so cute. Why isn’t she my friend? At first, I feel bad for Sadie because Lorenzo tells her where he's been during the past week. Not fair, against the rules, I hate it. It gets better though. Because Lorenzo is a bit cheesy, they go for a scuba dive indoors. Yes, I said indoors. But that’s not the worst of it. They kiss underwater while dressed in their scuba garb. I screamed so loud, I hurt my vocal cords. It just wasn’t good for anyone. Regardless, Lorenzo is finally visibly in to someone, and it’s kinda cute. After 8.2 hours of deliberation, the “classy and conservative” Sadie decides to take Lorenzo up on the Fantasy Suite. They get comfortable, they get intimate, we love it.

Back in Rome, Lorenzo is looking damn good in his pinstripes and hot tie. Sadie, as always, looks cute. Jen looks good. Lisa is wearing white. What?

For once, I was surprised, because Lorenzo did what we knew he should do.

He chose:

Sadie
Jen

And Lisa went home to meet her next boyfriend so she can get married in a year. Best of luck with that, Lisa.

This week’s awards:
1) Worst kiss: Lorenzo and Sadie’s underwater Scuba-Steve kiss. I hated it. But I love them.
2) Craziest timeline: Lisa’s timeline for her life.
3) Best fashion statement: The silver spacesuits Lorenzo and Jen wore at the Icebar in Sweden. I mean, who wants to hook up with someone wearing a foil anorak complete with boots and mittens?

Love you all…

MBH