Another bad one.

Review 6: Most boring episode ever

This was the night of nothing really happening except the obvious.

Tonight we met the lovebirds in three tropical locales. While the locales were hot, the romance was not.

The first date united John Paul and Jen in a rainy Bermuda for a hot (I mean not) date. Okay, yes, they were rather cute, and her boobs looked amazing, but the crazy-hot connection was a bit lacking and we weren’t able to hear any hot moaning during their night together in-lieu of a night alone. Ugh...

Next we traveled west to find Jerry and Jen in Hilton Head for date two. Jerry, as always, arrived without his personality, and thus, our night was a bit boring. By boring I mean canned responses, cockiness and his ever-present smirk. Jen had worries of him being a "player," and I think we all shared the same concern. The "all romance (what romance?!?) no substance" premonitions held true as Jerry confused Jen with his pre-packaged cute-isms and meaningless jibber-jabber. Again, we were left with no hot necking in the fantasy sweet. Is Jen a prude, or is ABC toying with our emotions?

Speaking of toying with another’s emotions, we next joined Ryan and Jen in a chilly Cape Cod. I’m sorry, who goes to Cape Cod in the cold? Not fun. Ryan got screwed on this date, and not in the good sense. We began the date with some shameless product placement on behalf of Oral-B’s Brush Up whitening agent. Yeah...I’ve never witnessed such obvious product placement on a reality show before, but I guess there’s a first for everything. After he brushed clean, the two not-at-all-lovebirds had some obligatory chatter. Jen said–in so many words–"Okay, you’re really hot, but your family is LOONY. I have not interest in you." Then, they spent a night in the fantasy suite which probably came without the fantasy, and surely without a happy ending.

My friends and lovers, this date has solidified the fact that I am entirely not invested in this season. I used to approach each episode with an elevated heart rate and a raging case of the smiles. Now I simply gulp my wine and roll my eyes. It’s sad that I, "The Bachelorette’s" number one fan, am disinterested and bored. There is nothing about which to be excited, and I’m sad about the lack of development. At this point, I’m hoping for some sort of disaster. (Picture Jen finding out she’s pregnant with Fabrice’s gay lovechild.)

So, after the supposedly dramatic rose ceremony, we’re left with:
1) John Paul. I'm getting cuter, but I still have a funky lip.
2) Jerry. I'm still super sketchy and honing my acting chops.

Adios to Ryan. Go to Thailand with your parents. I’m sure they’re ready and willing to play "tour guide" for you.

Tonight’s awards:
1) Worst all-black rose ceremony suit: Ryan. Enjoy life back in the reality of your weird family.
2) Worst choice of tie: Jerry. All yellow? Never again, please.
3) Worst dress: Jen. No more shiny, shimmery dresses. You looked pregnant. (With Fabrice’s baby??)
4) Most unimpressed: Me. Ugh.....

Until two weeks from now (I probably won’t review the "Men Tell All" bullshit–except Andrew is making an appearance and I might have to make out with him),

Mike, your disenchanted blogger