The Bitches Tell All

And yes they did…

Let’s just admit it now: we are all better people for watching this type of quality television. I felt as though I grew a little this evening as I watched the women espouse their beliefs about how bitchy and horrible and stupid the other contestants were. It really was quite amazing.

There were really few surprises in this season’s “Bitches Tell All,” but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t entertaining.

Erica was a bitch, Agnese didn’t speak English, and the other girls were pissed they didn’t win. Like I said, few surprises.

But what I did enjoy was the following: Erica’s boobs being immeasurably enormous; Agnese slightly comprehending English; and a re-run of Kim the drunk girl falling over on camera after inhaling far too much liquor on the beach in Italy.

When Lorenzo came onstage, we were once again reminded of his lack of an upper lip. After that re-realization, he actually said something cute about waking up next to the same person for the rest of his life. But then I thought of the following…

Two of my spies, Shmeagan and Shmillary Shmalter (their real names have been disguised), saw Prince Lorenzo at a benefit this past weekend here in New York. Let’s just say he was hitting on women. What does that lead us to believe? Is he happily engaged? Has his “romance” already ended like the past 82 seasons of The Bachelor? Is he gayer than the hills because he runs a perfume business?

We are only left to wonder. And wonder we will! Until next week, let’s make some bets. Leave some comments on the site and predict who will win…and when they will break up.

This week’s awards:
1) Best Actor: Erica
2) Worst outfit: Pinky McGee…er…Erica
3) Smallest upper lip: Lorenzo

Until next week,

Mike

p.s. On another note, another spy of mine, Shmisty Shmow, hung out with Ian McKee (my boyfriend and favorite person on this show to date) from the Meredith Bachelorette days this weekend. He asked about me.

p.p.s. Are we DYING with the previews of Lorenzo’s Jersey Mom on next week’s episode?!?!?!