Six hoes, three days, four roses. And we begin.
Who’s going to decide who gets the one-on-one dates? Who else? Bitches from previous episodes! Jenny (the “model”) and Shiloh (the woman named after a horse) return to Paris to interview/interrogate the remaining ladies. When I say “interview/interrogate” I mean degrade and mortify.
They basically rape Moana. And we move on.
Date One: Jehan, 29.
A romantic evening is spent in gay Paris. She confesses the deal-breaker: she’s once been married. She isn’t pure. Travis’s picture of her is ruined. Romantic date thereby over. But, since he has no cojones, he asks her to stay without offering a rose. WEAK.
Date Two: Sarah (from somewhere north), Tara, Susan, Moana.
A bike ride through the countryside fuels competition and heat. Moana, naturally, wins the race. And wins one-on-one time with Hotty Doc. Travis loves women in “head-to-toe Spandex,” by the way.
Moana, as the winner, gets a massage. The other girls get nada. Well, they get to talk about her behind her back—which, I guess, is something. Moana later confronts them after overhearing the sh*t-talking, and cries. For the first time this episode. There are two more incidents of her crying, don’t worry.
Date Three: Sarah from TN
With curlers in her hair, she prepares for her date as any Southern girl would do. Once together, the lovely couple gets a horrific portrait painted, Travis re-affirms that he has no working knowledge of French, and we’re over it. Oh, she gets a rose too.
Prior to the big event (rose ceremony), Travis visits the “women’s home” (oddly reminiscent of a loony bin) and gets some more individual time with the remaining swooners. Sarah (Canada?) reminds us that she’s still stoned. Jehan sells vitamins and is once-divorced. Moana cries again. And again.
Rose Ceremony.
1) Sarah (TN)
2) Sarah (Canada—wait…how much longer can this place exist?)
3) Susan
4) Moana (the bitch always pulls through!)
BYEEEEEEEE to Tara and Jehan. Tara, warns Travis of Moana’s disastrous ways. We’re over it. Because, you know what? She’s not all bad. ABC is just starved for some drama.
Tonight’s Awards:
1) Most hideous shirt: Travis’s puke-brown shirt at the rose ceremony.
2) Most Dramatic: Moana. Stop the tears. We don’t like them
3) Outfits that best epitomize the South: Sarah (TN). Boufant hair, curlers, overdone dresses. It all amounts to the rebel lifestyle.
Until next week, your undying Bachelorite,
Mike
2 comments:
What was with his bandana look? And was it just me or did he have chicken legs?
He may have indeed had chicken legs, but I was all about the bandana look. Although you know that was a very deliberate choice on behalf of wardrobe peeps.
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