Ben, here's my number!

As I wallow in my tears, I begin the blog. Sniff...

This evening, the love of my life was lost, the gayest of the gay is gone, and four doofs remain. Okay, fine, I like one of them. But still.

This evening consisted of three dates. The boys were forced to write love notes. The best note won the first date--and the best note was written by Ryan.

As the winner of one-on-one date number one, Ryan picked Jen up at her faboo loft. The two love birds (more appropriately named the "awkward-I-think-I-like you birds") spent the day riding on firetrucks and eating cheap chinese. Basically they spent the day in the life of any Staten Island fireman. But sadly the firemen with whom they spent their day were not the firemen that grace my wall in the NYFD 2005 wall calendar. The guys in the calendar are wayyyyyy cuter. What happened on this date? In short, nothing. In tall, they were nervous and slightly awkward together. And Ryan's hot-tubbing body was not as hot as we all had hoped.

Date two went to the second best letter. Jerry, the doorman turned doorman, wrote this love-filled soliloquy lovely orated by faggy Fabrice. Jerry's hope that this would be the "last first date I ever have" seemed rather successful. The two went on a romantic date to Jazz at Lincoln Center where the personality-free Jerry put on all the moves amidst an original soundtrack by some kickass jazz artists. But, I hope we all noticed the preparations for the day in which Fabrice dressed Jerry both figuratively and literally. Fabrice's wandering eyes (to Jerry's c*ck and b*lls) were noticeable to more than the cameras thankyouverymuch, and were the highlight of my night. During the hot live music, Jerry put on all the moves, Jen received them well in a giddy fashion, and they kissed and humped a little bit. He stroked her hair, she stroked his wenis, and it was good times for all.

The third date was a bit less personal, but much more action-packed. J.P., Wendell, Ben and Fabrice went to Little Italy to make pizza and to make a little love. While Ben's chest hair (which was visible through his hot button down) was the highlight of MY night, the race was most likely more exciting for the audience at large. The race to the ESB (Empire State Building) was a hard-fought battle that was ultimately won by Wendell. Yes, we were excited. The two have undeniable chemistry. Wendell is goofy and charming, Jen likes him, but is the chemistry that of friends or lovers? Stay tuned. We have yet to scientifically judge this. Ben and J.P. lost, and Fabrice went home to surf gay.com for a late-night hookup without even trying to win Jen's love.

With the three dates over, we were left on the edge of our seats anxiously awaiting Fabrice's national coming out moment. Yeah...er...

Basically Ben said the nicest words Jen had ever heard. Personally, I was moved in more ways than one by his romantic gestures (which seemed rehearsed but cute). Jen apparently felt otherwise, and I have decided to be in a tiff with her because of this.

Pre-rose-ceremony, Fabrice had his big moment. In gayspeak, Fabrice said, "Jen, I don't want to marry you." In realspeak, Fabrice said, "Jen, I'm gay. I like boys. I like them naked. And I like them all the time. I miss my boyfriend, and the sexual tension between the other five guys has driven me to insanity." Hey ABC, thanks for pretending he was coming out. How dare you toy with our emotions as Fabrice toyed with Jen's! Not fair. I'm mad. But now that Fabrice is back on the market, I might just make out with him to get back at you.

So, after all was not come out and done, we are left with:

1) Ryan
2) Jerry
3) Wendell
4) J.P.

I am hereby left with one guy that I like: Wendell. Win one for the team. Not necessarily the team that both I and Fabrice play for, but the team of love. Win it, Wendell!

Ben, the loser of the evening, is headed home. Why this happened I do not know. He is gorgeous, wonderful, hairy-chested, and beautiful. Ben, please post a comment on this blog and I will reply with my cell phone number. We love you.

Tonight's awards:

1) Hottest: Ben. Goodbye my love!!
2) Most normal: Wendell
3) Most boring: The cast. Can we have some drama and humor please?
4) Gayest/weakest/most in the closet: Fabrice. "I don't want to marry you, Jen. I don't want to marry any woman. EVER! Yesssss, I get to go back to my boyfriend!"

Until next week,

Your rather upset and emotionally scarred Mike