The return of the Dot Dot Dot

It's the night we've been waiting for. Bentley, the d-bag of the century is set to return to (hopefully) confirm, once and for all, that he's the douchiest of bags.

So before we get into this episode's dates in Hong Kong, we first get to see the dreaded Bentley once more. When Chris Harrison tells Ashley that Bentley has flown to Hong Kong and is in the hotel to see her, she responds with a profound: "SHUT UP!" Chris is like...um...no. And you're crazy. Ashley then confesses to the camera that she's so excited Bentley flew all the way to Hong Kong to see her. Like he's actually there to rekindle the relationship they never had. Um, Ashley? 1) You're still officially deranged; and 2) He's there for one reason and one reason only: to extend his crusty 15 minutes of "fame" and to chill in a posh hotel suite instead of being a father to his poor (and poorly-named) daughter.

After letting the shock that Bentley is back settle in, Ashley heads to his room to figure out the "dot dot dot." At the door, we get to witness the most awkward kiss of the season thus far, as Ashley plants one on an unsuspecting Bentley. It's amazingly hilarious. And like that, Bentley starts leading her on once again. Leg touches, arm grazes, you name it. This guy has his act down...he's a true artisan of douche baggery, and for that, I salute him. But, in the end, Ashley surprisingly sees through his idiocy, and realizes that this is not the dot dot dot, but the period. I did actually love that she called him out for simply wanting a "vacay" as opposed to figuring things out with her. You finally guessed it Ashley! Congrats! So...with a very apropos "F*ck you" from Ashley, Bentley is sent packing forever, and she's finally capable of falling for the guys who are actually there to be with her. (As opposed to plug their indoor trampoline business.)

So, on to the dates! The first one-on-one goes to Lucas, or Big Tex. It's this West Texan's first time to shine...and like the oil glistening on his cowboy boots...he kind of does. Their date is a stroll around town followed by a sail and dinner in the harbor. At first I thought there was no spark whatsoever, but then Ashley gets him to open up a bit about his divorce, and he seems like a genuinely good guy. She gives him a rose, and then he gives her a cute kiss and they dance. Ashley confesses she feels comforted by his "manlihood." After briefly choking on my wine and dying, I've decided that yes, she is the worst. I'm not sold on Lucas at all, but he does seem very calm and collected and comfortable around her. Dark horse?

The group date puts Ryan, Mickey, Constantine, Ben, Ames and Blake in a boat-to-boat dragon race to woo Ashley. The six guys are split into three teams. The Blue Team, or Team Twinsies, is Constantine and Ben. The Red Team, or Team Frenemies, is Blake and Ryan. And The Black Team, or Team Pronounced Facial Features (Ames's forehead and Mickey's jaw), is Ames and Mickey. They have to recruit innocent Hong Kongians (what is the proper term here, and do I care?) to fill their boats so they can compete with a full team. Long story short, Team Pronounced Facial Features wins the big race...and later that night (after little to report besides Ames's and Ashley's kiss-filled elevator ride to a nice view of Hong Kong) the rose goes to bright, happy, cheerful Ryan. The guys are pissed. Ryan is, well, happy. Duh. Dude has two emotions, happy and happier, and she's bringing them both out to shine.

The last date is the long awaited second one-on-one between current frontrunner, JP, and Ashley. She's very excited to see him, and JP is equally so. He's also super sexy and we all love him. We love him even more after he fully tells Ashley he's falling for her. Then Ashley tells JP about Bentley. As suspected, this cool cat shrugs it off and loves her for her honesty. He was a bit thrown at first, but he comes back around and spends the rest of the date making out with her all over Hong Kong after he gets the rose. He's definitely got a lock on the frontrunner position. Did anyone catch her calling him "Jordan Paul?" Go Team JP! We got some love in the making.

Then at the rose ceremony, a confident and relieved Ashley wants to get the Bentley news off her non-existent chest to the rest of the guys. Surely they'll take it as well as JP did. Right? Wrong. Unfortunately, they're not as nice as JP and the reaction is...well...mixed at best. Lucas is flat-out pissed. Ryan is happy-go-lucky as always. Blake is mad, but after he makes her cry, his mood changes and he's over it. And Mickey flat-out asks to be sent home, and after Ashley turns it on him, he dismisses himself and floats away into the Hong Kong moonlight. I mean, he was boring, so no one really cares that he's left, but that was a dumb move. Or smart, if you--like the rest of us--think Ashley is a big mess.

So, after an emotional week in Hong Kong, Ashley gives roses to:
1) Lucas
2) Ryan
3) JP
4) Ben
5) Constantine
6) Ames

Byeeeee to: Mickey and Blake. No big loss there as we never got to know Blake, and he was kind of a dick about Ashley's Bentley news. But I think he's a good guy, so sorry to see him go.

1) The Official "Dot Dot Dot" Count: 8. She said it 8 damn times.
2) F-bomb surprise: Ashley has a potty mouth!
3) Sexiest: JP
4) Frontrunner: JP
5) Always wearing white pants: Ames. Will I see you in Nantucket later this summer?

My end of season prediction, after seeing the saucy previews: JP makes it to the end. But, after a few twists and turns near the end where he's not convinced Ashley loves him, he leaves her on the altar even though she chooses him in the end. So Ashley ends up alone. Yup, I said it. I also think Ames might secretly make it to the final two as well. We seriously have to live with his forehead for another month? Yikes!!!

Until next week (Is it on? Do I have to skip the beautiful Pure Michigan fireworks to watch this trainwreck?),
Mike