Episode two and we're already in Vegas? Travel budget is back, baby! I mean, it's just dirty Vegas, but this could mean good things for our worldly travels this season. So yay for that. Boo for dead family members :( But I'll get to that.
Tonight we have three dates: two one-on-ones; and one group date (and by group, I mean 12-on-one). Ouch. But first...BAM!
Yup, don't worry about it. One of my minions snapped this bad boy of Ben C. in New Orleans this weekend. What does this mean? Not sure, besides the fact that he has a rockin' bod and he's groping pool bodies over a holiday weekend without Ashley. Did he get the boot?
Back to the show, the first one-on-one goes to William, the cell phone salesman from Ohio. Ashley picks him up in her (ABC's) Maserati. Glad to see nothing's changed, what with contestants driving impossible-to-own cars and acting like it's normal. Continuing on the "nothing's changed" theme, the lovers are whisked away on a private jet to Vegas where the date starts off rather oddly. Like a cake tasting followed by choosing rings followed by a mock wedding in which William actually says "I do." Poor guy. It's like "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Seconds," but she didn't lose him, and William played along. Luckily, the date turns around quickly as the lovers have a private dinner in the middle of the fountain lake at the Bellagio. Most of you are thinking, "Oh, how romantic!" I'm thinking, "What if he had to pee during dinner?" At dinner on the water, Ashley finds out about William's passed away alcoholic dad and the fact he didn't go to college. Clearly, I'm concerned about the lack of a degree, but she was unfazed. She was also touched by his honesty about his dad, which was made more poignant about the fact that he wears a watch eternally set to the time of Dad's death. But enough about that...William is certifiably cute and his dimples don't lie. She fully likes him and admits he's a frontrunner. Clearly he gets a rose. Go Midwest! But not if you're an Ohio State fan (an Ohio State fan with a crooked coach).
Date two is the dreaded 12-on-one. Constantine, Ryan M., Chris, Ben F., Nick, Bentley, West, Lucas, Stephen, Blake, Matt and Ames head to Vegas and are immediately thrown in the fire. They meet Jabberwocky, the "nation's best dance troupe," and are split into two teams to compete for more time with Ashley and a chance to star in that night's performance. The teams--The Best Men and No Rhythm Nation--go head to head in poorly-self-choreographed dances. No Rhythm Nation win the competition and the Best Men are sent home. Nothing like an eight-hour trip to Vegas (although I'm sure there have been many shorter and more tragic trips in Vegas's illustrious history...I'm sure Britney's met and married someone there in fewer hours than it took these dudes to lose a dance contest). So the six winners get to stay a few more hours, and a few of the guys take advantage of the time. West tells her about his deceased wife, Bentley pretends that he likes her, and Blake ensures she knows that he's a Type A dentist. More on Bentley: is this guy the next (and worse) Wes? He just might be. Especially after he drops these gems: "I'd like her t*ts on my chest," and "She's not my type," and "Can we bag this and go play blackjack?" (after he got the rose!). He also essentially had her eating out of his hands and begging him to stay on the show even though he has a daughter. Eww...hated him. But yeah, he gets the rose. And he acts like this on camera with a daughter at home?
The next one-on-one is decided by a coin toss. Seeing as this show is full of platitudes, we had to play in a Vegas-themed date in...Vegas. On one side of the coin is Mickey, the pretty Chef from Ohio; on the other side is J.P. the construction guy from New York. Mickey wins the toss and heads to Vegas for a coin-filled date. Like every detail is decided by a coin toss, even the rose. Overall, the date was pretty uneventful. I think he might be secretly (or obviously) boring. But, again, he has a dead family member (Mom), so there was a touching moment in the date. The date ends with a private "beachside" concert by Colbie Caillat, he gets a rose (via coin toss) and it's over after a kiss.
At the rose ceremony, the boys are hungry for some attention. First off is J.P., who cutely tosses a coin to get a kiss, and he wins. He's actually cute and funny and maybe normal, so we like him. A few more highlights: The Masked Dude (do we even know his name?) almost takes off his mask before being interrupted; William annoys the other guys by gloating; and Bentley makes us hate him even more by making Ashley look stupid and just staying around to make out with her fully knowing he's not attracted to her and doesn't want to stay around, but will do so regardless, just for the sake of competition. I honestly feel bad for Ashley for what's coming, but you can't say she wasn't warned. I mean, who believes that a guy is a good guy after being blatantly told that he's on the show for the wrong reasons? In addition, how does the casting team sleep at night? And why do we watch this show?
So, roses go to:
1) William
2) Bentley
3) Mickey
4) West
5) Constantine
6) Ryan P.
7) Ben C. (see pool pic above)
8) Nick
9) Ames
10) Lucas
11) Jeff
12) J.P.
13) Chris
14) Ben F.
15) Blake
Byeee: Stephen; Matt; Ryan M. Too early in the season for us to care about you. Sorry.
Awards:
1) Best quote: "I'd like her t*ts on my chest." -Bently (the one with a daughter at home, in case you'd forgotten)
2) Villain: Bentley
3) Cute but Boring: Mickey
4) Most dead relatives: this season.
5) Frontrunner: William
Until next week,
Mike
1 comment:
you are lucky
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