Most Dramatic Goodbye Ever. Like For Real.

Okay okay okay, I’m a big fat mess and I missed the first hour of the show last night. Why, you ask? I’m famous. Don’t make me remind you again. My cousin is also famous; thus, we tore up the town last prior to viewing the tail end of The Bachelorette. I would normally understand if you were upset that I missed half an episode, but clearly the last hour was where it was at last night—especially with the dismissal of…well…keep reading.

The two hometown dates that I missed were those with Jeremy and Jesse. Apparently they were fine. Jesse is a friend, Jeremy is in love with her, DeAnna doesn’t really care.

So the first hometown date I caught was in Seattle with Jason and son. Jason, freshly orange from 82 spray tans, spends the day with his son and DeAnna feeding ducks. Then they go to his family’s home and share a meal. Dad awkwardly calls her “honey” and “sweetheart” while I cringe. Was he hitting on her? Is this why Jason got divorced in the first place? After lunch, the family goes outside and plays leap frog. I’m sorry, what? Seriously? Apparently they were serious. What follows was an all-too-dramatic goodbye. Everyone cried, his son pretended he was sad, and tears were flowing everywhere. I couldn’t take it.

Next DeAnna travels to Raleigh to meet the love of her life, Graham. Graham, seemingly growing in his ability to be normal and open, is very cute with DeAnna as he meets her at his high school gymnasium to play a little game of b-ball. She is so obsessed with him, it’s insane. Clearly she would prefer nothing more than to strip him of all his clothes and go at it on the gym floor, but I’m thinking that wouldn’t be very sanitary. After a fun afternoon in high school, the lovebirds go to Graham’s parent’s house. His mom and dad are super cute, and everything finally seems hunky-dory. Graham is the one. It’s set.

And then DeAnna talks to Graham’s mom. She pretty much reinforces all DeAnna’s reservations about Graham.

Is he ready to commit? Eh…
Will he break my heart? Eh…
Has he ever had a relationship? Eh…

After time with the parents, DeAnna and Graham sit outside and Graham is back to his old self. Quiet, reserved, holding back. I love when something is on a typical dude’s mind, he immediately says everything is fine. Must. Not. Show. Emotion. This is clearly an amazing conversational tactic, and it certainly makes women fall in love with you. Amazing.

So back in LA, the rose ceremony begins. Will she ditch Jeremy because he’s more in love with her than DeAnna is with him? Will be dump Jesse because he’s just a friend (and because he’s wearing a white suit)? Will Jason be the one to go because of the kid? Only time will tell.

And then, she chooses:
1) Jesse
2) Jeremy
3) Jason

EXCUSE ME?!? SHE DUMPS THE LOVE OF HER LIFE?

Yes. Granted, his red sweater combo wasn’t too cute, but still. She reverts to the protectionist DeAnna we all know, and lets the boy that will inevitably break her heart go before he has the chance. I’m dying.

And then she walks Graham out. He struts in his too-cool-for-school way that only a jackass can pull off, but he’s visibly upset. DeAnna is too. I mean, she’s literally dumping the only guy she loves, and you know she’s second-guessing that mess. My opinion? She did this to prove a point to him, but it’s going to backfire in a major way (i.e. he’s leaving in the limo, you idiot!).

After a few heated words, DeAnna ultimately confesses to his face that she’s “letting go the one person I was falling in love with.”

Cut to two possibilities for the end of the season:

**Prediction #1: She doesn’t get engaged to anyone, and we have another failure of a season.
**Prediction #2: Graham somehow comes back and they end up together.

Cut back to the Graham goodbye.

He can’t take it, he looks away, he tears up. Too little too late, buddy. Graham then hands her a note full of thoughts he never told her. He hopes she’ll read it one day. Again…too little, too late. But how dramatic?!? I’m loving/hating this all at the same time. This was the worst goodbye ever. The only two people in love with each other just broke up, and I’m a little sad.

But then I googled “Graham Bunn” and found his website that was clearly created as a fame-boosting stunt as soon as the show began in May, and I’m over it. Grahambunn.com. You can buy clothing and see his attempts at being a model (he was in a Moen faucet print ad). Hilarious.

I’m over it. And I’m going to start dating him immediately.

Until next week,

Mike